depresión desesperación I have been hurt
Friday, June 27, 2008, 8:00 PM
Motivational Day

It was quite fun and the keynote speaker was, yea, cute. he said that for primary school kids, if someone said more than 3 points, they would fall asleep and that he would speak only one point. But in reality, he said 3 points! When i mentioned that in the tea with the Principa, Ms Dass, and the vice-principal, Mrs Choo, and the teachers, Ms Dass said that I was paying attention. Of course I was paying attention! He was cute! and his speech was so interesting. Basically, he covered almost all the topics we were going to say. x) Shammah didn't like him for that. Mrs Raymond made such a good choice.

When it was my turn to go on stage, I didn't feel afraid surprisingly. I suppose i only feel afriad if I don't trust myself and have a sense of inferiority. I trust my speech ability and yea, I believe I'm better than those juniors sitting down there. I noticed that they paid some attention to Shammah, but that was it. the rest seemed so half-hearted. Like whatever they said didn't actually matter. I remember that Li Xichen made me think that he considered goin gup there a bore and a waste of time from his tome and body language, Shen Xichen seemed to have no confidence and Adrea seemed yea, confident. But the points they had were about the same. And the fourth one I have utterly no impression of. This year, I hope that I would give them a deep impression. Someone they would remember when they graduate. So when i started speaking, i noticed then sitting up and paying attention I was so happy. And when they laughed at my joke: "When I was in P6, my teachers used to say 'Aim for the stars and you'll fall on the roof. Aim for the roof and yo u'll flal on the platform. Aim for the platform and you'll fall *pause* in the longkang.'" Yay! I bet they and the teachers will remember me as the only ex-Concordian who made them laugh.

When Mrs Dass made us all stand there and said many things about us, I nearly cried. You know in dramas, the female lead reminisces about many things and has tears in her eyes but tried to hold back. I felt that my expression was like that. And my juniors all feedback that I was so emotional. they said they didn't want to feel so sad and began to treasure the time they had together. No point. You'll still feel sad, maybe even sadder. crap. now i'm beginning to cry. again.

Tiffany and I were dressed in different uniforms in our school. I never felt so unbelievable before. We acted just as if we had never graduated, as if everything was still the same, but the things that happened in our separation and our uniforms brought out a clear straight difference from before. We were just trying to go back to the past. But in vain. Furthermore, i felt like a stranger in my own school. Like a person who shouldn't be there, who doesn't belong there. why? WHY? i don't like that feeling, the feeling of unfamiliarity in a place I was so familiar with. And they forgot that they place we used to love and throw bouncy balls around in P4 was replaced in the end of P5. Maybe we just didn't want to remember. Maybe we just wanted to believe that it was all still there. Or maybe our memories of our school were already fading, fading to only the memorable times, until one day, it will be some vague blurry pictures of people we no longer recognise, of events we don't remember anymore. But when I look at the cup I received on My motivational day and on this year's motivational day, i realise that this is really the end. I get to go back on Farewell night for this year's P6 but that will be the end. The ultimate end. My school is so far away, how would we get back in time for teachers' day? Perhaps we would just have to go back on random days that we are free.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008, 7:16 PM
3rd day of shcool and preparation for motivational day.

today, school was okay, 'cept that i stayed up till 1 yesterday to study for my jap test. It was quite easy.hehe. We had much discussion about revolutions and governments and injustice, OH INJUSTICE! crap. I have to prepare a compo to write in class tomorrow about injustice. No matter how much I love our government, I can't write about them! The essay is about Injustice, people, and our government is VERY JUST. oh well. anyway, I totally dislike Stalin and Hitler now. What did they do to their people??? They. Are. So. Bad.

I YiHui called me and I asked her to listen to my Motiational Day Speech. She said I spoke too fast. I asked Jun Hui to 'test' me on the bus on monday and it was very long although i spoke in ultrafast speed. I timed myself speaking it slowly. Guess how long it was. 05:50.18 what the. Even Shammah isn't that longwinded. I must be getting old. Maybe I should delete a paragraph. But the whole feel will be gone! AARGH! confusing.

On Motivational Day, Jun Hui said she will go home for lunch then go back to school. or something. But if she does go home, she'll miss the next lesson, the one after lunch. I'll just eat the refreshments provided and that's it. I'm on a diet anyway. I have much fats to burn.

P.S. Juniors who are reading this, DON'T GO ON A DIET! Seniors, rest assure that I'll eat and make sure I don't starve myself. I'm on a healthy diet, three meals a day but three meals only.

P.P.S. crap. My fanfic is like, 103 pages long already in microsoft word and I'm only at half of the story!!!

Monday, June 23, 2008, 6:57 PM
西比拉 - 能预言未来的巫婆







6:09 PM
First day of semester 2

First day of Semester 2 and we had maths to start up the day. Although i like the teacher, I don't like Maths, But math's a really good way to start the semester, makes my rusty brains work again.

English wasn't bad too. Love Animal Farm, especially the part where everyone finds out about Napoleon's true colours.

During lunch, Rachel, from 111, gave me a birthday muffin from crystal jade.

The cupcake was really tasty. The Yellow part of the butterfly was vanilla cream, the pink coloured part was some candy like which tasted brilliant not too sweet nor too bland which the green portion was milk chocolate. The muffin was quite fresh and tasted nice, very original muffin taste, not like bread in muffin paper, unlike a lot of the cake shops. The muffic itself seemed to melt in your mouth and i saboured every crumb of it. From the paper (after) you can tell that they baked it very well. From the bottom of the muffin, the colour i mean, that's what i tell.

I had my first Bio lesson today. Ms Lye brought us to the air-con lab and we looked at the onion cell through a microscope. The funny thing was that I saw chloroplasts on the Onion cell although there wasn't supposed to be any! -.-"

Japanese was brilliant too. I didn't really forget a lot, i even remembered better! WooHoo!

And what's better is that my mum helped me borrow a fridge for funfair! go to the class blog for more of that.
But when i was walking home with jun hui and she was on the othe rside of the road, i nearly cried. I missed walking home from Concord with Tiffany on the other side of the road. I miss her. I really do. It was so happy, so warm, so carefree then, unlike with Jun Hui. She barely waves and is really solemn. We don't match. That's why we're never best friends.

Sunday, June 22, 2008, 1:26 PM

Yesterday, I went for a wedding dinner. It was delicious. Actually, everything is delicious to me as the chefs and farmers, etc. put in a lot fo effort to make the food tasty. My brother stayed at home to watch Naruto. sheesh. The vietnam bride was so pretty. She's so brave to come to a foreign land to marry her lover.

Saturday, June 21, 2008, 12:10 AM

I returned from the meeting with Mrs R. I totally need to improve on my delivery of the speech. And me and Ramya went out with her to Lot1. I felt so extra. So forgotten, so left out...

I finally realised how famous Stephanie Sun was, she had so many fanfics written about her, even more than the arron and hebe ones! Well, it was not only found on winglin but other major fanfic sites too. wow. I really want to be like her, and most of the Singaporean families know who is Sun Yan Zi. My longing for this dream to come true is getting greater by the day but I'm trying hard to convince myself that it's a dream, and dreams don't come true.

Friday, June 20, 2008, 1:23 PM

I read Felicia学姐's blog today. The dedication was so touching. It made me want to cry. If some kind of melancholic musc accompanied it, I would definitely. I learnt a lot from production, although some words keep replaying itself in my minds. I hung around seniors most of the time; I figured that I associate better with people who are not of my own age a long time ago. They were nice to me, being like big sisters. I can remember that Felicia said I was like a toy. I don't find that insulting; I find that nice. Toys do whatever they are told and accomplish what they are supposed to do well, like racing cars, they race to all their ability. Maybe she didn't mean that but well, it's better than 'dog', a statement from Chloe. I know you're kidding, don't worry. Of course, Chloe was extremely nice to me, sorry for ignoring you so much on MSN. I've been struggling to recall everything I've learnt. hehe.

oh well. need to go for lunch. meeting mrs r with ramya today. I rock with my script. gonna patch up on it. and... i don't have to wear my uniform. hahaha.

Thursday, June 19, 2008, 10:20 AM
Memorising script of motivational day

I finally finished memorising my script for the P6 Motivational Day. Going to see Mrs R with Ramya tmr. I really think I ROCK. If someone did a speech like that, I would clap so loudly. i hope I'll get the response I want.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008, 9:20 PM
Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

I watched my first Narnia show today. I think i will try to find the first movie online. =D Prince Caspian was a brilliant show. I think I want to buy the book, since it's so much cheaper now. about $30++. I'll save up for it and reduce my buying of magazines. hehe.

I also read the reviews and everything on Wikipedia on the Narnia series. They stated that Prof. Lewis had racism and sexism in the book, and even two of my other favourite authors criticized him, like J.K. Rowling and Philip Pullman. If they can open up their minds and accept those parts as mere, unimportant factors of the story and see it from another point of view, they will not think it as sexism and racism. It is just a factor for the readers to think about. I know that they are already great thinkers and all but to me, a normal girl with the intellectual of a 13-year-old, this is what I perceive. If they do not bother about the description of the characters, the 'covers of books', and see into the true meaning of their characters, they should not find those things an issue. The chronicles has a lot of Christian concepts in it that are concealed nicely: not to hard to see nor to plainly stated. Overlooking the negative factors people find in the story, the series is fabulous. Just as good as the Harry Potter series and His Dark Materials trilogy. The movie is just a wonderful. The visual effects are natural and the moments of bad shooting is almost zero.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008, 11:28 PM
4:21 PM

I came back from youth camp on saturday. It was in NTU. it was so fun!!!! except we stayed in the cheap hostel and there were no private toilets. My group had to sleep in the single bedrooms, 2 ppl to a bed! gosh. and it was on the male level. luckily the males there were all from the camp and had manners not to go to our side. The food was superb and did i tell you about ADM? institute of arts, media and design, if you don't know. School of design had a wonderful design! The roof was all grass and it was made of glass and.... i don't know. It was spectacular.

I went out to lot 1 and saw a person smoking a pipe. yes, a real pipe. woohoo! it was weird. i mean who smokes from pipes? it's usually cigarettes.

I re-rebonded my hair today. yay. Looking forward to outing with ramya and tiffany tomorrow. yes. ramya's back. finally. even if it's only for a few days.

Friday, June 06, 2008, 7:27 PM

Korean and Japanese are so much alike. Both have alphabets and some of the vocabulary sound the same, like for bag. Gosh.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008, 3:32 PM

I realised that there's vegetarian food in Food Junction. I keep forgetting. Also, i remembered that I have a member card for Food Junction. Howstupid.

Today, I watched Mulan and Mulan 2 again. I still cried when Mulan left home. I always cry then, except that I stopped myself from crying in school when we watched it. The songs were so nice. Whenever i hear them, I find myself singing along or crying. Don't Know why. I'm so emotional.

And I went to Lot 1 to return the Mulan 2 CD, I went to the library to borrow this book I;ve been wanting to borrow for a very long time. I ave 6 books on hand now; I cannot watch so many shows anymore. I've got to finish them! I was also sent to buy carrots and xiao bai cai. The carrots were very oddly shaped. Some looked like walking sticks (not the candy cane type but the one with a T-like shape), others looked like Pinocchio's nose. There was one which looked like MuShu from Mulan. Hahaha. Why was he called MuShu anyway? Because Mulan was called Mulan? But their family name is 'Hua'... Anyway, I love those two shows. No matter how many times I've watched it, I'll never get tired of it, especially Mulan.

10:53 AM
MingHui's quiz

MingHui tagged me to do a quiz so i shall do it. crap.
a] People who have been tagged must write their answer on their blog and replaceany question they dislike with a new formulated one by themselves.
b] Tag 8 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These peoplemust state who they are tagged by and cannot tag the person they were tagged by.continue this game by sending it to other people.
1) What do you think an ideal friend should be?
ans: Someone who understands me and I understand them. Actually, what's a true friend?
2) If you had a dream to come true what is it?
ans: To be popular singer.
3) Whose butt would you like to kick?
ans: General Yamashita. Too bad he's dead.
4) What would you do with a million dollars?
ans: Put it in the bank. I'll just save it and use the interest the bank gives me.
5) What is your ideal lover?
ans: Leave it to fate.
6) Which is more blessed? Loving someone or being loved by someone?
ans: Both are just as blissful.
7) How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
ans: As long as it takes.
8) Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
ans: Singing. Although I don't really sing that well.
9) Will you die for a guy you love?
ans: Depends if he's worth dying for. Even if I love him. Most probably, I would but I've never experienced love before, how would I know?
10) If the person you like is attached what would you do?
ans: Forget about it. Love is not everything.
11) What do you see yourself as in 10 years time?
ans: (Forgive my ego.) A Harvard student or a economist. The singing dream is extrememly unrealistic.
12) Who is currently most important to you?
ans: Myself.
13) What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
ans: I don't know her that well but she's quite nice.
14) Would you rather be single but rich or married but poor?
ans: Both have their good points but don't worry so much. Leave it to fate.
15) What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
ans: Think about the things I need to do today. oops. That's afer I open my eyes and sit up.
16) Will you give in all in a relationship?
ans: Depends. Even in love, use some brains. If it disadvantages me too much, then no.
17) If you fall in love with 2 people at the same time who would you pick?
ans: Erm... it's possible to fall in love with two at the same time? I'll wait until my true feelings are surfaced.
18) What would you do if you know you are gonna die?
ans: Continue to live. Death in unavoidable. Dying to the organised mind is not the end, but the start of a new journey.

People to tag.


Tuesday, June 03, 2008, 1:29 PM

它叫做《恋空》或 Koizora。恋空は日本語です。
They were really very daring, having sex didn't seem like it mattered much. i suppose this is what teens think in Japan. But it wasn't A rated. There wasn't even direct kissing scenes; the actors just put their faces close to each other and the camera would position itslef fo it to look as if they were kissing. This movie was so touching, I don't really remember how many times I cried. No, I didn't purposely make myself cry but i really cried. It was just too sad and beautiful a love. The main actor and actress were both very well suited for the show, both quite good-looking but nt too good-looking.