depresión desesperación I have been hurt
again
Saturday, October 31, 2009, 8:46 AM
Stalkerish white cat

I woke up, and opened the door. Then found this really beautiful pure white cat loitering around my doorstep and the moment I opened the wooden door, it wanted to come in. It had been coming back to our doorstep for several days at an end, so my mum says. But yesterday night, it was also there. I was in a very sad mood, after the China Briefing, and it was walking towards our door, hiding in our potted plants, and looked at me with such large eyes that I was so afriad.

Come on, kitty. Stop stalking my family. We don't want a pet. Especially not a cat. My brother kinda likes it. But my mum and I don't like pets. I'm afriad of it. But it doesn't look like a normal stray. It has a bell around its neck, and which stray is pure white? Mummy says it should have been abandoned by its owner. Poor thing. If it keeps coming, back, I shall call Chen Lili Laoshi to come and adopt it. She loves white cats, doesn't she?


Friday, October 30, 2009, 8:54 PM
The Moste Excellente and Lamentable Tragedie Of Two Twelve

Seriously. I'm very sad. It's like an exact tragedy.

We spent so much effort and time. I'm not so optimistic like Natalie, who can look on the bright side. If I so much as peek at the bright side, I start having tears rolling in my eyes. It's that bad. And Kar Lai, I'll pretend I didn't hear whatever you said. Because it rubs everything in. I know you watched my play. But DON'T COMPARE. Our final product is the 心血 of the entire twotwelve.

And I don't like hearing "you almost made it". I know 何老师doesn't like this kind of play, but I kinda wished we performed yesterday. Because the groups yesterday, hemhemhem. Although Benjamin Ho made it sound as though they were so extremely good, I don't know where the "so very very very very very" came from. No offence.

I was near tears when Nat's bedsheet fell. You rock, Hankyung. You covered it up so well I didn't notice when I looked at the screen. Until Amelia started freaking about it, because I was too busy cueing the sounds person. It went like this:
"track 5 snap in."
...5secs later....
"huh?"

I'm still very sad over it. Because we were so high, so confident that we would pull through, so known to everyone. But then, we didn't get it. That moment, we were suddenly crushed. We stopped cheering loudly, we stopped clapping loudly,our smiles froze and we stopped smiling. All of a sudden, all we had worked for after the stressing exams, all that we slogged our guts for, all that we spent all our free time doing, was denied, not recognized, not appreciated, not wanted. It was all too sudden.
But we quarrelled. We cried. We screamed. We cheered. We fell sick. We got nervous. We went hungry. We slept. We busied. We flustered. We bonded. We'll be forever 212 '09. Let's have the last few times together in a happy mood. Hopefully.

Thursday, October 29, 2009, 9:22 PM
Drama Fest 2009 - Group A

All were emo plays. Although it was really funny at some parts, like Grace's one, "Sister, sister" sounds like he's calling someone from the nunnery. no offence.

A bit tired of the emo plays nearing the end, because none effectively made me cry, and none were really funny. Just felt some were good. And my dear friends, PUT MORE MUSIC. And btw, the audience won't like long speeches (AKA monologues) by a character. Pity that Material Girls didn't get in., Really liked it. Yanhong was very shuai today.

212. JIAYOU FOR OURS. Let's get our romance and 'tragedie' going!

p.s. Audience, if you laugh, you're normal. If you cry, erm... hehe.


Sunday, October 25, 2009, 12:48 AM
long long time I haven't

posted. So I'm posting now. I didn't post because I didn't have the inspiration to write. But happy to know people read my blog. hehe.

exams are over. whew. But I'm still very anxious about it. What if I got some crappy results? I'll probably cry my head off. If I do, dear 212, don't expect me to handle drama with a clear head.

Japanese results came out. I didn't do very well. Now mummy and papa have an excuse to make me quit Japanese, even if I miraculously get MSG1, I don't think they will be happy to let me continue Japanese. I really don't want to give up, I really like Japanese. But as Hannah saw, the results, really punched a big hole in me. And the funny thing was, hannah got around he same as me (we didn't fail.) yet she tried to comfort me. Thanks dearie.

For some strange reason, they asked me to be SM for drama yesterday. And today I went. Well, it wasn't too bad. And I agree that Nat portrays a different feel. Amelia looks very pretty and feminine, and didn't look like a normal couple with Wanlin, more like a lesbian couple and Wanlin was the more masculine one. Ames is too gentle. But then it made me feel like, "how can she be a guy! It's impossible!" and the drama comes out at the end. Just her volume too soft. But Nat and Wanlin looks like a couple very much. and I bet the audience can guess she's a guy in the show. if they know, then they'll probably laugh their heads off. Nice effect. But whoever acts it, as long as some one does it well, it's okay with me. ANYWAY, I was quite blur this morning. Not really familiar with the script. Luckily there was a clear-headed director and Nat and Wanqing, or I'd have continued going, "huh?"

Did anyone see Wanqing's costume? It was hilarious. Looks like Dalai Lama from Tibet. HAHAHAHA. And it just looks like a monk. No way it looks like an emperor. At least adorn him/her with a bit of gold. Took a photo. But if I post it, she'll probably kill me.

The music and effects are very cool. And I hope we can go through a few times tmr successfully, WITHOUT THE SCRIPT. hopefully.

there. posted.


Thursday, October 08, 2009, 12:20 AM
重新来过

有一个人问我,如果你可以选择回到某一刻,从那时候从新来过,我会想选择什么时候。

这个问题真的好难,因为我好想弥补我伤害过的人,但是我却不想要从新体会那些痛苦和从新努力,也没有把握能够做出不一样的选择。毕竟我就是我,做的事情也许会一样,但是如果回到从前,我可能就没有机会遇到现在我所珍惜的每一个人,不管我们现在是否还是朋友。如果没有这些人,也不会有现在的我,即使现在的我不是最佳的。

所以,如果可以重来,我会选择停留在此刻,继续往前冲,因为我不想冒险,不想失去现在拥有的一切。因为你们都对我很重要。


Tuesday, October 06, 2009, 6:49 PM

People read too much into whatever I say. Always. And in the end they think that I'm insulting them, when I really did not mean to. No, this is not directed to one particular. Everyone knows I'm frank, so all I say only has a meaning on the surface, and I don't mean to hurt. If I do, I'm sorry, but no one will ever think I'm serious, no one will ever accept it. But if it's just you reading too much into it, I don't know what to say, but try to believe in me, I really didn't mean to offend you. If you hurt me first, hrumph. If I don't like something, I'll say it to you in your face. Believe it or not, it's your choice.

But somehow, I really don't care anymore. Because no matter how many times I apologise, no matter how sincere I am, no matter how much I try to make up to them, no matter how much effort I put in, no matter how much they mean to me, no matter how much I try not to offend them, they just think that I'm stuck-up, bragging, bossy, whatever-there-is person and, who really trusts me?
No one.

Maybe only Tiffany.

I'll just look past those things, and try to survive, even if it means being all alone.

Sunday, October 04, 2009, 11:36 PM
你的微笑

你的微笑是我的动力,我永远的支柱。为了你的笑容,我可以不顾一切,我可以付出我的所有。因为你,我才有力量坚强地撑过去。每当我想起你那一次的笑容,那么开心,那么骄傲,我都会咬着牙齿,忍受所有的委屈。但我已经没有把握能够再让你笑了。不管我怎么努力,得到的都只是你痛苦的笑容;我只能指望另一个他再次带给你当初的笑容。

Saturday, October 03, 2009, 10:29 AM
What do I really want?

Sometimes, the world feels like it's just going to end like that. Because everything crashes and there seems nothing in front for me to work towards. And I lose all my motivation to continue pursuing my dreams. They just don't seem possible to come true.

What do I really want?
Someone give me a reason to live on.