depresión desesperación I have been hurt
again
Sunday, January 24, 2010, 8:04 PM

I haven't been blogging much lately. Because I've been writing in my diary. Maybe some things are just too personal. Furthermore, if I write it down, some people might become very worried. So.

Sometimes I wonder what would it be like if I could go back in time and redo everything again, but because even if time reverses itself, Fiona will still be Fiona, and Fiona will still do what she had done, so nothing would change. And I would have to go through the torture once more. So time reversal, doesn't sound as good as it would be. Because whatever the outcome, it would still be the same.

I'm trying to grapple with the future, and try to reduce my regrets. But... I don't want to move on. Somehow, if I post all my feelings, I might as well just copy and paste whatever I wrote after graduating from primary school. They're almost the same.

What will the future bring for me? Will I get what I wish for?

And... what will be the price I have to pay?


Tuesday, January 05, 2010, 8:35 PM
Day 1 and Day 2: over

Why. Do. We. Have. School.?

Still loitering somewhere in Lala Land, and having a Holiday Hangover. Why does Hwa Chong have a longer holiday than us? But never mind, since I need to face reality, why not face it sooner.

These two days, 309... is still much strange to me. Not very used to the way it works, I don't know many people well and... they usually disappear during breaks and all, leaving us no time to bond. I really miss 212. Why did we have to split? Crap. Now I'm getting teary. The good thing is we're really bonded. hehe. We still have lunch together on the 212 table, just like the good ol' times.

SAP scholarship results still not out yet. BSP teachers gave us our first graded assignment already. ON THE 1ST LESSON. oh well. Everything is suddenly in front of us. I'm scared.

Fell asleep during chem. Why? 1. The teacher is prolly new and speaks in a monotonous lullaby. 2. Everything he says, I mostly know. Bet it's for the sake of the PRCs.

Sat on the back table of 311 during LA. Why? 1. not enough chairs. 2. We're going to have a combined class. Sec 3 is turning into the homeroom system... BTW, Mr Paul Tan, LA teacher, resembles Mr Kuo a lot. A whole lot. I really miss Mr Kuo. WHY can't he be our chem teacher? Or another teacher who has more life? I really like the subject, don't want a boring teacher to ruin it.

Oh. Grace is back. Just a side note.

再十天罗志祥就发片了!想听《罗生门》想惨了。

Saturday, January 02, 2010, 7:56 PM

还是疯狂地爱上罗志祥。除了李资政,他是我唯一的偶像。

省不到40个小时就要上学了。我并不期待。本来非常不赞同By2没有读完中学就出道,但现在还蛮羡慕的。因为可以Homeschooling嘛!像Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson. Emma还考到超好的大学呢!如果我也可以,那该多好。

哎呀,别做梦了,快点醒过来吧!回到现实生活比较实在。

真想知道奖学金到底拿到了没。



Friday, January 01, 2010, 11:29 PM

我时常在想,为什么我拼了命读书,最后还要进办公室做工呢?

我想要当明星,过着他们那种光鲜亮丽的生活,多姿多彩。虽然很多人都说演艺圈很黑暗,但是有什么工作没有黑暗的一面呢?政治,office politics, 到处都有。

不知道为什么,这个假期过后,我特别想当歌星。如果我可以唱歌、演戏来赚钱,当明星(不是新传媒的),那该有多好。




10:00 PM
Happy New Year 2010!

That's right. 2010 has arrived. But the funny thing is, can't believe it, I feel no difference. Serious.

Have I grown by a year? Has it been so fast? Probably because the new year isn't such a great deal compared to Chinese New Year. Or maybe it's because the countdown celebrations in Singapore aren't really great. I spent last night watching 东方卫视's 跨年演唱会 because Show was performing in it. And it was much much more high than whatever Channel 8 and Channel 5 was showing. My mum and my brother was watching those two channels and got bored.

Papa was at work! Well, he was on overnight duty. Sigh. SAF still has to protect Singapore, even on publi holidays. Terrorists don't suddenly become harmless people for one night.

And today, I spent the whole day watching the Taipei and Taichung Countdown 2010 concerts. OMG. It's super high. I feel like flying to Taiwan to celebrate the New Year next year and the years after. (But I know it's probably not going to come true.) They can really bring up the atmosphere.

By never mind. Happy New Year everyone!

p.s. Who wants to go watch 刺陵 (The Treasure Hunter) with me?