depresión desesperación I have been hurt
again
Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 5:59 PM
NYGH family outing and games.

Yesterday's outing to West Coast Park was really really fun. I spent most of my time at the flying fox. The first few times, I was like, playing with the 113, then 112 came, although a lot of hem don't dare to play. Then came some other school mates, and they were saying that the first swing was too high to climb up, whn I could like jump up. And I'm a shortie at that. Anyway, I was pulling people and stuff, how fun! because really tired, until my eyes did not receive enough blood and could only see black and white. Oh well. Then we played with one nine on a longer swing, not so fun because very slow. And we got Ms Lye on it! woots! and because everyone was so tired, we forfeited the games. And because everyone was like, out of water and dehydrating, plus we didn't know there was a water cooler (which is like, very unhygenic and dirty because no one washes it), we went to buy coke. At ahem. There were teachers hidden there, but we avoided them. haha. Anyway, everyone was like, hydrated already and no oe got heatstroke.

Today's games were nice. We won against 106 and 110 and 108, lost to 102, and draw against 104. Thus we didn't get into the semifinals. sigh. We wanted to get something and we were so close to it. Everyone was like, chao demoraled. But the bowl team got 3rd position. woots! But anyway,we tried our best. Don't worry 112, we still rock!

We played cheat with uno cards and stuff, although i'm like, real bad at it. Anyway, we finally finished our choral and drama thing, just need to patch up. And mend the spoilt fish. I'll make more at home.


Tuesday, October 28, 2008, 9:35 PM
对不起,我不是有意的。

可能是我这一阵子的太多人,很多事都已经不像以前了,大胆放手去做。但如果我的选择是错误的,拜托你告诉我,我应该怎么做。如果我说话太白,那是因为我认为你是我可以相信的人,了解我的个性就是这样,不会跟我计较。但如果你宁可我满口都是客套话,那没关系,我会尽量不要把话说得那么直接。对不起,不是故意要冒犯你的。

有时候,做了一些事,我会得罪人,显得自己不尊重她,但如果不做,光给建议,她们又认为我不愿意帮忙。有时候,真的不想再得罪人了,但我应该怎么办?有时候我不是很会说话,可能我并没有这样的意思,别人却统统以为我就是这样的的意思。有时我就是不能用别的方式做,因为这不是我的作风。可能我真的很不好,但非常非常抱歉。我真的真的不是故意的。我已经是这改进了,但俗话说,“江山易改,本性难移”。请大家原谅我所有的过失,因为我真的不是有心想人身攻击的。




Saturday, October 25, 2008, 8:04 PM
Goodbye. Forever.

The darkness entered our hearts,
Piercing, Hurting, A wound it cut.
It doesn't seem to affect you much,
But you're so far yet so near to touch.

The tears sting our eyes,
And keep falling out,
Like beads on a string,
That you pulled out.

The rain comes down outside,
Adding to our pain.
Makes our emotions even worse.
Why did it take you? What would it gain?

dedicated to 小婷

7:41 PM
小婷

我跟你虽然不是很熟,但我却认识你很久了,也有蛮多的回忆。就像上一次,我们新年时一起在一慧家吃火锅,在楼下玩烟火。还记得,以前在学校看到你,你那灿烂的声音,我一直一直都没忘记。也有你听说我考好成绩特地要我教你怎么读书,结果你也找到自己专署的读书方法,读到A班。

昨天,回家时看见Mrs Raymond在我家外跟我妈讲话,知道你已经离我们而去的消息,也是为什么Mrs Raymond 特地来找在我家一慧。你们淋得那场雨,为什么会把你带走,没有人知道。为什么一慧没事,你就有事,我也不知道。可能你不接近道场也是原因。但不能怪任何人。可能,这就是上帝要给我们这些还有着宝贵的生命的人一个教训,要我们好好珍惜每一天。

我在一度明白人生,是那么不可预料。上一次是三舅,这次老天带走小婷。都在不可预料之中。你淋雨的第二天,为什么到了Edinburgh Clinic看医生会晕倒?为什么就再此也不起来?你是我们的开心果,也是同学们喜欢的好朋友。这么乖巧、聪明、伶俐的一个女孩子,到底做错了什么,为什么要先走?还好,你哥哥已经考完PSLE,不会影响到。

你知不知道?今天有好多老师来看你?你是如此的受欢迎啊。也让我明白Concord的大家庭是这么温馨,这么团结。今天,我看见你的照片,你安详的脸,我真的很想哭,但看着身旁这么多人在哭,我知道我不能添乱。如果我哭,更多人也会跟着哭。但小婷,我很难过,很想唱一些难过得歌来发泄。但那种场合,怎么叫我唱歌?我只能默默帮你折金银纸,虽然我不相信有用,但你家人看见也会有那么一点点地安慰。

小婷,你的干妈、干爸、亲朋好友,都为你难过,虽然我知道我们应该染你开心地走,但我也无能为力。但你的棺材关上的那一刻,我真的很想为了在家养病的一慧冲去阻止,痛痛快快地哭。但妈咪需要我的安慰,我也只好一忍再忍。旁边的一条狗吠呀吠,是不是看到你?我也不知道。可能吧。你是否看到Jenny阿姨那么难过,悲伤?你一定要帮助你妈妈渡过这个难关,走出黑暗。

到了宾馆,我看着道士年一些有的没的,我难过得很。看着你一寸一寸接近焚化,听着你干妈以及大家的哭声,我也好想好想哭。但我没哭出来,怕让别人更难过,只好靠指甲来让自己有皮肉之痛,忍住心理的痛苦。但小婷,现在我是一个人,我的眼泪也一滴一滴流出来了。不过你不要担心,我会记住,你在这个开心地岁数离开我们,是因为上帝不希望你经过小六会考的折磨、痛苦,像我一样发疯。上帝让你离开这个痛苦、艰难的世界,享受天堂里的天真快乐。祝福你。

小婷,我会想你的。


Friday, October 24, 2008, 7:35 PM
Rehearsal

Sigh. Haven't been blogging these few days. Don't know why. I'm always really tired. And my shoulders hurt. And the weird thing is none of the 112 I added aren't online. O.O

Went to Amelia's house yesterday. It was amazing. Lovely. Nice. And we ate Pizza flavoured chips.

The first thing I did when I went to school was crazily cut fishes and get people to help. It was quite fun and everybody worked hard. SO now we have 57 fishies. woots! of course, some are torn and stuff, but we'll mend a broken fish whe we see one kay?

Then we discussed the class chalet. It was a total failure. Ok, some were productive, like the slumber party and stuff. I remember pyjama party, Jasmine's idea. woots! love it, Jasmine. But dear classmates, show some enthusiasm, kay? Sorry if I was affensive or horrible, I didn't mean it. But really, try it yourself next time, it's just very... fed up lor.

The OM selection thing was sort of ok. The teachers laughed. Nat's group is like, amazing. Really funny. Loved it. Totally. And a ruler who ruled with rulers? Brilliant. Really brilliant. And they were singing and dancing. Boy, they would surely get in lah. We were doing something similar to stardust.

Sarah and Gah Yarn got into FPS future scenario for project work. I'm so jealous. But what can I do? Nothing, but just accept reality. Oh. and we have CSP. I was thinking of going somewhere near, like Concord. But if it can't work out, I'll consider asking the childcare centres and the old folks' home.

The rehearsal was ... fine. For me. 何老师 was damn pissed because lots of people 估计形象 and don't want to spasm. I can even risk starting my 恐慌症again and do the blind thing. So why can't you? And WanLin, you were amazing. really amazing. oh, as usual, WanQing was outstanding. TianJiao's now my mum instead of Danielle but I'm afriad she will get stage fright leh. She had today, during the OM selection. And that was barely 40 people. Choral and Drama will be 400!


Tuesday, October 21, 2008, 7:40 PM
Lousy marks.

Been crying over my marks. It wasn't that good. You know, Fiona usually smiles, no matter whether she's sad or happy. But this time, the smile was gone. Just like that. What happened? Didn't I get good grades? Didn't I already expect my Chinese to be lousy? What happened.

oh. grace came today. amazing. Thought I wasn't going to see her anymore for a long time. I miss you Grace. You were the best monitress ever. (p.s. Ping Ghee, next time, don't screech. no offence) We played Mafia and Murderer.

Anyway, we're not going to Escape on Deepavali anymore, because too little people can go. So ChunShan and I are going to Snow City on my birthday. woots! I've got cheaper priced tickets. Who else wants to go?


3:40 PM
矛盾的微笑

微笑出现在我的脸,但为什么?为什么我还是闷闷不乐?
微笑的意义很矛盾,不是开心吗?但我伤心难过时怎么还笑得出来?

我明明如愿以偿,但心里的空洞却越来越大。
我明明应该快乐,但却不知足,不满意。

回想那些能够天真微笑的日子,与这些相比,真的差太多。
回想那些在心灵痛苦的折磨,会问自己,当时的选择是对或错。

不会的,我应该很快就能快乐起来的。对,很快,很快。
不会的,不会的,我怎么没办法填补那空虚。完全没办法。

我到底怎么了?




Sunday, October 19, 2008, 9:09 PM

From Ames.

SCHOOL LIFE CONFESSIONS
[ ]Talked back to a teacher - I was always a good girl. haha. Not really though.
[x] Been kicked out of class - when I forgot to do homework, Mrs Raymond kicked her favourite student out...
[ ] Worn pyjamas to school
[x] Had your tooth fall out at school
[x] Gotten lost in your school
[ ] Broken the dress code in school
[ ] Completely failed a test
[x] Left class without asking
[ ] Missed a whole week of school
[x] Thrown up in school - When I stupidly bent over backwards totally.
[ ] Been beat up at school

HOME LIFE CONFESSIONS
[x] Argue with your parents a lot
[x] Argue with your brother(s)
[ ] Argue with your sister(s) a lot
[x] Have your own room
[ ] Do your own laundry
[x] Cook dinner once in a while
[ ] Are loud and obnoxious at home
[ ] Wear pajamas when you are not going anywhere
[ ] You sleep in very long - I'm a light sleeper
[x] All you do is watch television - Does YouTube count?
[ ] Your parents are divorced
[x] Your family makes you cry alot
[ ] One or both of your grandparents live with you
[ ] You can't stand being with your parents

FRIEND CONFESSIONS
[ ]You currently dislike one or more of your friends - sheesh. Would someone you dislike be called a 'friend'?
[ ] You are jealous of one or more of your friends
[ ] You have known a friend your whole life
[x] Your friends are all taller than you - Seriously. Most.
[x] You have been ditched by a friend - We patched up, but it was never the same again. Luckily.
[x] You have memorized a friends phone number - Twiffy! and Marsy. and yihui.
[x] You have lost/forgotten a friends phone number
[ ] You have been to all of your friends houses
[x] You love most all of your friends - That's why they are called friends!

HABIT CONFESSIONS
[ ] You bite your nails
[ ] You have an odd obsession with knives
[ ] You cannot sleep with the door closed
[x] You cannot sleep with the door open
[x] There is at least one sound you cannot stand
[ ] You write stories about mad cannibalistic serial killers
[x] You are good at telling lies - I'm a born liar. Sorry Jie.

LOVE CONFESSIONS
[x] You currently like someone.
[ ] You want to kill one of your exes
[x] You can stay committed for an unusually long time
[ ] You get bored of your crush/bf/gf easily
[ ] A crush/bf/gf has called you a bitch before
[ ] A crush/bf/gf has called you self- centered before

PERSONAL OPINION CONFESSIONS
[ ] You hate George Bush - No political comments here.
[ ] Abortion is horrible and should be illegal - It's okay, when the child will have a sad life if it is born. Better to save it from suffering.
[ ] Gay marriage is fine to you
[x] Boys make better friends than girls do - They are sometimes less cunning and more understanding.
[x] The beach is an excellent place for a date
[ ] Pink is an ugly color
[ ] Needles aren’t so horrible
[ ] Human flesh tastes like fine aged veal - I'm a vegetarian.
[x] You have plenty of secrets - Duh.

HAVE YOU EVER CONFESSIONS
[x] Fallen down the stairs - I always do.
[ ] Someone has tied your shoelaces together
[x] Had a nail fall off
[ ] Captured, Manipulated, or Destroyed a soul by Ars Falcis
[ ] Had surgery
[ ] Slapped someone across the face - I'm nice.
[ ] Killed someone
[ ] Someone has called you a tease
[ ] You have been to Europe
[ ] You have worn something inside out for a whole day

THE SELF
[01] Name: Fiona. x)
[02] Nickname: (You seriously want me to list?) Mei, Xuemei, Fifi, Princess Fiona (ahem), Ion.
[03] Married: I'm single. Not even legal age to marry.
[04] Zodiac Sign: Scorpio
[05] Gender: Female
[06] Age: 12yrs
[07] High School: NYGH
[08] College: HCI future
[09] Height: 150cm
[10] Weight: sigh.
[11] Do you like yourself: sort of.
[12] Piercings: Earlobes.
[13] Right or left: Right
[14] Are you a freak: Depends.
[15] Hair: Brownish. Sometimes turns really black. For no reason. And I don't dye.
[16] Skin: Pimply.
[17] Allergic: Bullets.
[18] What are you doing now: Doing this quiz.
[19] What will you do 1 hour later: Talk to Amelia (hopefully) and watching Lan Qiu Huo
[20] What will you do 10 years later: Study in Harvard? Or be a singer as famous as S.H.E?

THE FAMILY
[21] Live with mother/father/parents: Parents
[22] Siblings (included you): A brother

THE LOVE
[26] You found your another half: Not really.
[27] If yes, who is he/she: -.- would I tell?
[28] If no, who you want he/she to be: Secret.
[29] Time(s) you in relationship: none, if you're referring to bgr.
[30] Ever woo boy/girl(0-100000): nah.
[31] Anyone woo you before(0-100000): ahem
[32] Did anything wrong to your other half: I don't have one... yet.
[33] What was/were the wrong you had done: nothing.
[34] Ever argue with your other half: ditto.
[35] You with your other half since: the ice age? sheesh.
[36] Are you straight/Lesbo: definitely straight
[37] Reasons you love your other half: *bloop*
[38] You and your other half in which stage: *throws eggs*
[39] You woo he/she or he/she woo: *Stamps hard on this thing*
[44] The enemy you hate the most (1only): hate? I have someone I hate. But not exactly my enemy.
[45] Your most beautiful girlfriend: dunno. Mabel?
[46] Your most handsome guy friend: Hmm... WenChang xuezhang
[47] The kind of girl you dislike the most: the person who corrupted Ivy.
[48] The kind of boy you dislike the most: My brother.
[49] You fall in love with your close friend before: no.
[50] Your best friend is your ex-lover: -.- ditto.
[51] If your friend backstabbing you: Accept it and move on.
[52] If your friend betray you: Forgive (but Fiona never forgets.)
[53] If your friend woo your lover: 船到桥头自然直。
[54] If your friend fall in love with you: 船到桥头自然直。
[55] If you fall in love with your best friend: She's a gal.

THE STUDIES
[56] Are you a good student: Think so.
[57] You always done your homeworks/assignments: always? No.
[58] The teacher/tutor you love the most: Mrs Raymond, Mdm Mona Lee, Mrs Shirley Ang, etc, etc.
[59] Always late to school/college: sometimes.
[61] You love your seniors: A WHOLE LOT
[62] Senior who you love the most: well, no offence to anyone. Felicia Xuejie, Jie, Ting Chih xuejie, Ge.
[63] Your classmates good/bad: good
[64] Excellent result classmate: TianJiao, So Phia, Zest, WanQing
[65] Laziest classmate: dunno.

THE PEOPLE
[66] Smart people: TJ, Wan Qing, So Phia, Zest
[67] Stupid people: dunno.
[68] Good looking people: many. 顺眼就行。
[69] Ugly people: dunno.
[70] Funny people: JiaYi, JunHong, Wilbur Pan
[71] Cute people: Arron, Hebe, lots.
[72] Bad people: dunno.
[73] Honest people: haha.
[74] Acting people: Fakers?
[75] What kind of person are you?: Frank.

THE PREFER
[76] Lip or eyes: eyes
[77] Hugs or kisses: hugs
[78] Shorter or taller: taller.
[79] Hesitant or spontaneous: spontaneous
[80] Nice stomach or nice arms: neither.
[81] Listener or talker: both.
[82] Romantic or rich: romantic (preferably rich as well. haha. jkjk)
[83] Good husband or good father: both?

THE FUTURE
[84] Age to get marry: before 30.
[85] Numbers of kid(s): 2? To replace us.
[86] Career: ECONOMIST! to serve in the public sector.
[87] Salary: dunno.
[88] Retirement age: When I cannot do anything for my country anymore.
[89] Properties value: Whatever belongs to me.
[90] Wishes: To let my parents go round the world.

TAG:
1. Jie
2. Ge
3. TianJiao
4. Nat
5. Kimberly


7:44 PM
Everything's wrong.

When life becomes totally wrong,
It's exactly like what's in a sad song.
All this while the tears stain my face,
In my head guilt and regret race.
Was I wrong?

When I feel betrayed and intruded,
They still don't get it,
They don't understand.
What can I do to make it happen,
To make everything alright again.

How I wish for it to be fine,
For them to know my needs.
But all they did just hurt me,
The deeds, the words, the screams.

This poem is dedicated to Amelia.

7:04 PM

Today's trip to JB was fun. And I bought some clothes. woohoo!

oh. We're not going to Escape tmr anymore because Hannah and Nat aren't going and we have third lang. I sent the sms to Sarah and Chun Shun already, I believe. Can I like, postpone it to next monday, Deepavali? It's a public holiday but it's still the exam period for most of the primary school students so it won't be that packed. Furthermore, kids (12 and below) play free in October! But one free ticket is with purchase of 2 adult tickets, years 13 and above. http://www.ascentis.com.sg/cms/files/fileManager/NTUCCLUB/DTE/WWW_ReopeningAd_bg.jpg So guys! If you want to come, sms me, ok? It's in the contact list. TianJiao's going too, i think.




12:52 AM
PSL Camp

ok. many things happened. like camp, and gefang exco selection. I shall tell in sequence.

[u]PSL CAMP.[/u]
It was really really nice. especially the camp t-shirt. it was like, dry-fit and lime green with cool yellow words outlined in black. And we had to move the tables and everything. Oh. I realised that the tables in the conference rooms are really light. much lighter than the big wooden ones in the studyhalls. much much lighter. And we tessallated them. haha.


the first activity was the amazing race around the city. we were group eight. And started fro station eight, Carrefour. We reached there earlier than its opening hours so we had to wait and wait. Then I took a picture with a lady wearing yellow and Jody, Mian Jun and Melissa took a photo under a sign as a bonus task. We completed that thing in like, so fast? And I ate my first cookies-n-cream donut. woohoo!

The next station was the marketplace in raffles city. we had to buy three things starting with b or c and share it. So we wanted burger but it's too ex. so we bought curry puff, bubble tea and something. can't remember. It was fun. we ate our lunch there. But it seemed too early bah.

The next stop was the civillian war memorial. It was so cool! but packed. it took a long time to get there. Because it was arranged in the sequence 1 to 9 and from stop 9 to go to stop 1 is like, very long. And we had to get someone else's help. haha. And holding the street directory, a fellow Singaporean asked if we were tourists. haha. oh. someone vandalised it. sheesh! if i ever find out who it is, I... dunno what I will do to him. Can't think of anything bad enough. Seriously. Signing on the dedication stone is [b]stupid[/b]. Can't they give more respect?

Then our last (pathetic, eh? Only four out of 9 stops.) Going to it was not fun. We got lost, somehow. Because we were led to some other place and the seniors apparently read the directory wrongly or something. But we went there in the end. Long walk though. We passed the Padang. woohoo. Finally. I think it was my first time. And we walked past the back of Victoria Concert Hall. Reminds me of the Choir SYF in P5. Bet I didn't blog in detail about it. Hope I don't forget. And we saw the other statue of Raffles. The task was like, ... We went to the Singapore River just to take a photo of the Sir Stanford Raffles statue. And the person we took had to stand there and the statue in the background, with the person being as tall as ot taller than it. So LingTing, the tallest was obviously chosen. MianJun took from a very low angle and she turned out taller than the statue. hahahaha. If you went to see, you'll know how tall the statue is. We completed this stop real fast. And tried finding a bus stop to go back to school. I love the directory. It was really really effective and accurate. And we didn't know the bus ride would take 1 hour. so we were 30 minutes late. but still ok. no torture chamber. We walked past the Supreme Court. It was so grand and nice. It was rather nice-looking. Just that beige coloured stuff could be changed. And I joked that if you committed a crime there, you would directly be sent to court, police didn't even need to come. haha. joke. It was really nice.


Next were a mess of activities. Like, playing ball games. LingTing got injured. poor thing. (hey. better appreciate I dedicated one paragraph to you. haha) get well soon.

Then we had this workshop. which is boring. And I fell asleep during the presentation. hey. I had this training before. why can't I fall asleep. Anyway, we had a trail of a scholarship presentation. And it was dumb. really dumb. But ok lah, effective.

Then... what? let me think. Kinda forgot. oh. we had this ice-breaker game. Whacko again. I'm so touched some people actually remembered my name. sorry, i keep forgetting yours. Anyway, then we had to tour the school and learn how to give a school tour. Jody told us that it was creepy to walk past the heritage room as the old uniforms look like floating bodies. hahaha. We ended fast. So we could bathe early. whew. there were pails and scoops provided. And I actually felt [i]clean[/i].haha. then we... i think... we had dinner? And it was ok... weird tasting.

Then we had a singing session xiaoen xuejie conducted. she is like, so fun. haha. Amelia and Nyssa were sabo-ed because they were her beloved juniors (from guides). haha.

Then came the night trail. It was scary, which is good.
/shall continue posting about it tmr today. when i come back from a day trip to Malaysia. because I'm dead tired./

Wednesday, October 15, 2008, 10:34 PM
Boring movie.

we had to watch a very boring anime movie today. And it is very boring. called So Yesterday. Really pathetic. About this city girl who goes to a farm for a holiday and marries the boy there or something. but most of the story is about the girl's ten-year-old childhood. Which is lame. Like failing a fraction's test. And it's ONLY dividing fractions by fractions. How hard can that be? And learning about periods, having crushes, complaining about hand-me-downs. sheesh

I can't believe we're going to use the 2 1.5L bottles to bathe. It's barely enough. I mean, it's completely not enough. And me and Wanqing will bring like, 4 t-shirts. She might even bring 5. haha. because wear there one (I'll wear this after 'showering'), PSL camp tee, PE tee, messy tee. sheesh. We might both fall sick tomorrow.


7:43 AM

well. I got a super good night's rest. =D Slept before 10pm and woke up at like, 6? 早睡早起, 身体好。 Hey. I couldn't help but wake up at 6am. My body can't stay asleep for so long and it's already a habit. What dya expect?

Oh. Since I was missing DAL (Darkness and light) so much, my bro recommended me a game, Shaiya, which is somewhat similar. But I have to play maple with him before I download that.

Oh. And my brother found an interesting way to escape folding his blanket: Hiding it.



Tuesday, October 14, 2008, 6:25 PM
保持通话 - movie and shopping with Ames.

I watched Connected with Amelia and her sister just now. It was amazing, a brilliant remake of the American movie Cellular. The heart-racing pace of the story along with the freezing 18 degrees Air-con made everything so fantastic, so exciting. For $6, it was worth-it. Totally. You should all go and watch this fantastic movie. It's like, one of my favourite movies already.


Today's math paper was ok. Somehow. I don't know what I scored. But oh well. It's over. Finally. I'm free. And I'll work hard to lose weight and grow taller. sheesh. So today, after maths, Amelia and I went to my house to change clothes and then we went to Lot 1. She apparently thought Lot 1 was a fantastic place with lots of things to shop. haha. you were so wrong. told you so. Anyway, we shopped for like, hours, until 3 and went to watch the movie. Desperate to find a way to entertain ourselves, I tell you. Seriously. Because i've been to Lot 1 so many times.

We even went to the library. Of course, I was the one reading and she was trying to draw and think about new fanfics. I have three to do:
1. Love. At Odds. - a collarboration with another (yep. that's the name of the author.)
2. Silent Torch - a collarboration wit Jie.
3. The new one me and amelia are working on. Yea, we finished that one already. Just want to 吊胃口。haha. We have like, loads of ideas already. But sorry Ames. I can't work through the night tonight unless I get some sleep first. And I'm dying for a good night's rest. I'll do as much as I can though.

So. yea. And woohoo! Twiffy, and this other reader on winglin said they liked my poster. yay! though I think it's like, so-so.

Oh. Anyway, they ate KFC. I didn't have a proper lunch. Just a mixture of some weird stuff, like soybar, apple pie and coke, and traditional soya bean pancake. They ate like, $10 worth of stuff. Anyway, to our left was this two boys. The way they ate was uncouth, reminded me of how Marsiat ate (no offence) and how HuiQi used to try and force me to eat chicken wings. urgh.

I'm totally looking forward to going out with ChunShan and Hannah to escape theme park on monday. Those who want to come along, tell me. I'll tell you when we're meeting.

Monday, October 13, 2008, 6:00 PM

I screwed up. Maths was stupid. And I bought a Maths set without even using it. sheesh. And I couldn't remember most of my science. argh. I screwed it. There goes my less-than-two MSG. I shall become hysterical and cry. And no one woud bother about me.

I want to go out with someone tomorrow. Maybe to escape theme park or something. I'm bored. And unexcited. What's the point of holidays if you can't go out and play? Hibernate?

5:26 PM
Jade



Enchanted. By your beauty.
Enthralled. By you eyes.
You're amazing, too good to believe.

Give me a chance to prove me love.
Give me that shimmer of hope.
Give me something to persist.

Sunday, October 12, 2008, 11:56 PM

i got tagged by Jie to do this. Well, since I've done it, I'm forgiven for skipping questions right? Oh. Warning: It's in the middle of the night. My brain can't function. Sorry for offending.

1. The person who tag/pass you is?

Jie

2. Your relationship with him/her?
I'm her Mei.

3. Your five impression of him/her?
a) Forgiving
b) Understanding

c) Talanted. Way talented.
d) Smart
e) Not all that sociable. (unless you hang out with her for a period of time)

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you?
Started writing many letters to me.

5. The most memorable thing he/she has said to you?
shush.

6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will?
O.O HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Impossible.

7. If he/she became my enemy, you will?
eh... To sad to cry.

8. If he/she became your enemy, the reason will be?
Perhaps she's too annoyed with me?

9. What nickname would you give her?
Jie. What else?

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her is?
Hm... Good question. Write a fic with her! XD

11. Your overall impression of him/her is?
Impressive.

Well, I'll just skip the rest since I've done them before. And I'm doing this so Jie can know what I feel about her. x)

11:44 PM

"我要帮我奶奶的仇人打篮球?" 超好看到。好期待下个星期的播出。
“小花,你喜欢我吗?”拜托。唐门,谁这样问的?哎呀。可惜。今天选择看篮球火,没有看不良笑花。

7:53 PM

Just been forced to sit in front of a back massager before dinner and let it massage my shoulders, etc. And I'm not allowed to laugh. What did I do to deserve this, mummy? I've been a good girl...

6:27 PM

I can't get chem into my head and I keep forgetting bio. crap. So I'm playing around with photoshop creating weird posters. like this one.
Wanted to create a metallic effect for the words. But failed. sigh.

4:57 PM
The Departing Choice

Your departure marks the end,
Leaving me nothing more.
You took with you my soul,
And closed my heart's door.

Choices I were forced to make,
Sacrifice things I hold dear.
Right or wrong I couldn't judge,
Both still made the gash sear.

Both sides were dead ends,
I had nowhere to run.
You chose the path for me,
And died under my gun.

Now I see what you meant,
But you're already gone.
Bading you the last farewell,
I strode away, my heart torn.

11:04 AM
stuck.

There's something stuck in my osteoporosis oesophagus (Can't I just put gullet?) and it can't seem to go down or up and out. It's make it hard for my to breathe, sort of squashing my windpipe. Oh No! What if it's in my windpipe? It's making me have headaches, and tearing my eyes. It hurts... Stupid chunk of food. JUST BE DIGESTED IN THE STOMACH! I'm sure you contain protein.

8:48 AM

It's finished. We finished it. Our fanfic. Our very own BeBu fanfic.

Choices - http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/starlightmist1/


4:33 AM
Writing our first fanfic together.

Both Ames and I can't sleep. Busy writing a fanfic. I wonder what's going to happen to my science. sigh. never knew writing a fanfic is so nice.

Saturday, October 11, 2008, 10:46 PM

ARE YOU:
►Perfect: well, if you disregard all my imperfections.
►Tall: yes. compared to a dwarf.
►In your pajamas: who wears PJs anymore?
►Left handed: Right. x)
=======================================
LAST:
►Friend you saw: JunHui.
►Talked to on the phone: don't know. some friend of my mum. I answered.
►Person to text you: Jie.
►Is today better than yesterday? duh. I prefer slacking at home to doing EOYs.
FAVORITE:
►Number: 2. Maybe that explains why I'm always second.
►Color: black. red. white.
►Food: Anything vegetarian.
►Place: This hidden corner of my room.
=======================================
QUESTIONS & ANSWERS:
Q: What was the first thing you did this morning when you got up?
Opened my eyes.
Q: Do you have anything bothering you?
duh. Like passing my Math and Science.
Q: What's the last movie you watched in theaters?
Money No Enough 2. Loved it.
Q: Where is the last place you went?
To my left. To reach a bag of chips.
Q. Do you smile a lot?
All the time, dearie.
Q: Do you wish upon stars?
Look at the sidebar.
Q: Are you a friendly person?
I guess so...
Q: Where did you sleep last night?
Eh... In my bed.
Q: Why did you sleep there?
it's where normal people sleep :D beds, that is, not necessarily MINE. (quoting from Grace)
Q: When was the last time you cried?
This morning.
Q: What was your last thought before going to bed?
What time I should wake up.
Q: Rate life as of right now, one being bad, ten being great?
7
Q: What do you hear right now?
至少还有我 by 飞轮海
Q: Does anything hurt you right now?
what someone said to me.
Q: What's your favorite month?
November. My birthday's in that month. And it mostly holidays. AND I get to go to Taiwan.
=======================================
EMOTIONS:
Are you missing someone right now?Many someones.
Are you single?
duh.
Are you tired?
nope. took a three hour nap so I can no sleep through the night. Amelia's accompanying me. woots.
Are your parents still married?
Yea. Like many other parents.
=======================================
BASICS:
-Real name? Fiona. (You can call me Zhen like some people do. haha.)
-Age? 12. Nearing thirteen unfortunately. Heck, by then I have to pay adult prices.
Eye color? Dark brown.
-Male or female? Ya think?
-Crushing? Yup.
-Smart? Hopefully. In my dreams.
-Sweats or Jeans? Definitely jeans.
-Phone or Camera? Obviously phone.
-Health freak? Sort of. Influence by my mum.
-Righty or lefty? Righty.
-smoke or drink? I'm underage. Whatcha think?
=======================================
FIRSTS:
►First best friend? Lisa. In Kindergarten.
►First award? Er... the baby crawling thing? I got West Zone Champion. haha.
►First enemy? Enemies? What enemies?
►First pet? I don't have pets. ok. Maybe fishies that I caught on an excursion to the reptile park. They died three days later. I never dared to touch them.
►First vacation? Genting Highlands.
►Eating? POTATO CHIPS. hot and spicy.
►Drinking? Water.
►Listening to? 超喜欢你 by 飞轮海
►Plans for tommorow? Mug for Science. And pray I past Maths.
►Waiting for? The brownian motion thing to get into my head.
=======================================
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE GENDER:
►Lips or eyes? Eyes.
►Shorter or taller? Taller. But not too much taller.
►Romantic or spontaneous? Spontaneous. (hopefully a tad bit of romantic)
►Sensitive or loud? Sensitive. Obviously.
►Hook-up or in a relationship? What's a hook-up?
=======================================
HAVE YOU EVER:
►Drank hard drinks? Nope.
►Lost glasses/contacts? Yea. Glasses.
►Ran away from home? No. I'm a good girl.
►Broken someone's heart? ahem.
►Been arrested? Do I look like a crime-comitting person?
=======================================
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
►Do you like someone? Hehe, yes.
►Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? Fairly. Hey, I must learn to appreciate.

11:20 AM
A Journey Through The Darkness Without You

In the shadows where I stood,
All I saw was,
Pain and suffering,
But,it never did happen accidently,
It was cause on purpose by you,
I gave you my heart,
I gave you my soul,
And I gave you my trust,
But,how could you do this to me,
Leaving me all alone suffering without you?
And I thought you were different then all,
The others,
But,I guess I was wrong,
You were like all of the other playa's,
But,now it's time to end this,
Once you realize how much pain you cause,
You'll be feeling sorry for me,
And don't tell me your sorry cause you not,
Because to you love is just a simple and a fun game,
But now,
I have to walk through this journey without you,
But,sooner or later I'll forget you

Original poem written by:Midnight Serenity

8:57 AM
She got my letter

Yep. That's what happened. SHE GOT MY LETTER! WOOHOO! Nope, not my angel or anything. But Katie. My penpal from Idaho. oh. she's sending my stamp back to me. so I can collect more stamps. (hey. It was like, $1.10.)

1:34 AM
谁的选择权

你是真的喜欢我吗?不要一直一直耍我。我没那么闲空,只是怕伤害错人,永远失去了一个好朋友。

你明明知道我是怎么想的,为何不替我着想,站在我的立场看一看你做的一切,明白我的痛苦?

我曾经说过我们会是一辈子的好朋友。

我绝对不会对你不理不睬,而会不离不弃。我们怎么会变成这种关系,这种难以捉摸的处境?你要我怎么面对你?

可能你没发觉到,可能是我让你误会,对不起,我不是故意的。

曾经我们有说有笑,我没有什么你不知道。既然你都知道了,为何还这样做呢?

以前的错误是我的疏忽,我不应该那么靠近你,不应该跟你做那么好的朋友。可能只一切都不会发生。

或者是我不够坦白,没有说得够明白,我的心里早已有数,已经容不下别人。而你却占据了另一个人的心,一个对我重要的人。

我们的友谊还会持续吗?还是会被这一切的一切化为灰,成了不能弥补的过去?

这一切的选择权在与你...还是我?

Friday, October 10, 2008, 10:26 PM

You.Can.Only.Type.One.Word.
Not as easy as you might think.

1. Where is your cell phone? here.
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend? None.
3. Your hair? Brownish.
4. Your mother? Outside.
5. Your father? Working.
6. Your favorite thing? Laptop.
7. Your dream last night? Crops.
8. Your favorite drink? Coke.
9. Your favourite colour? Black.
10. Say something about your life? Stressed.
11. Your ex? None.
12. Your fear? Failing.
13. Where do you wanna go later? Sleep.
14. Who did you hang out with last night? Me.
15. What you're not good at? Everything.
16. Muffins? delicious.
17. When you DIE, you'd rather be CREMATED or BURIED? Neither.
18. Where you grew up? Singapore.
19. Last place you've been to last night? Bed.
20. What are you wearing? T-Shirt.
21. Where are you? Online.
22. Your pet/s? NONE!
23. Your digital camera? wishing.
24. Your life? dying.
25. Your mood? emo.
26. Missing? Twiffy.
27. What are you thinking about right now? This.
28. Your fav. place? wherever.
29. Your work? Mug.
30. Your nick? Princess.
31. Your relationship status? Single.
32. Your favorite food? Vegetarian.
33. When was the last time you laughed? Today.
34. Last time you cried? Today.
35. School/work? School.

taken from Amelia's blog.

9:16 PM

1. The person who tag/pass you is?
Amelia. (Actually I randomly picked this from the net, but without a person-who-tagged-me, half of the quiz is defunct. Thanks Amelia!)

2. Your relationship with him/her?
Friend. Close friend. Close close friend. x)

3. Your five impression of him/her?
a) Biased. (hey. GuiLun is a good pair too.)

b) Fan-girl.
c) Smart and intelligent.
d) Fun.
e) Forgiving, to some extent.

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you?

Helped me 恶补my Japanese just before test and exams.

5. The most memorable thing he/she has said to you?
"You can do it one lah." Can't remember if there was Singlish. And yea, I know many people said that. But I remember hers vividly because she's always the one beside me when I'm flustering before the dreaded Jap tests.

6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will?
O.o? I will seriously doubt my gender inclinations.

7. If he/she became my enemy, you will?
I might just cry. 会很难不伤心。

8. If he/she became your enemy, the reason will be?
Because I started hating Arron! XD joking, joking.

9. What nickname would you give her?
Ames. (No offence. Just found it cute.)

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her is?
Magic September and October issues of PLAY for her.

11. Your overall impression of him/her is?
是很温馨的。

12. How you think people around you will feel about you?
Eh... too frank? Too noisy? Too... 强出头, or something like that.

13. The characters you love of yourself are?
Honesty. Hard-working. Gift of the gap.(ahem)


14. On the contrary, the characters you hate yourself are?
Frankness. Self-inflicting stress. Too talkative to the extent of noisy.

15. The most ideal person you want to be is?
A cross between Grace and Tiffany.

16. For people who care and like you, say something to them.
Thanks. For being willing to accept me the way I am. You keep my soul alive, you're the plaster that mends my wounds.


17. Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you.
1. Jie

2. TianJiao
3. Grace
4. Natalie
5. Sarah
6. Amelia
7. Ge
8. Edwin Xuezhang
9. Hannah
10. Gigi

18. Who is no.6 having a relationship with?
She's single, when I last checked.

19. Is no.9 a male or female?
Female

20. If no. 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
O.O NO! Ge's attached! Unless I'm being kept in the dark about anything again. They don't even know each other. Much less date. (I'm never in the light.)

21. What is no. 2 studying about?
I think science. Her maths is too pro. Hang on. So is her science. Why don't you ask her?

22. When was the last time you had a chat?
Chat as in what kind? I had an MSN chat 2 seconds ago.

23. What kind of music band does no.8 like?
eh. Don't know.

24. Does no. 1 has any siblings?
No. Unless you include me :) and her cousin.

25. Will you woo no.3?
Even if I was a homosexual, I can't possibly go all the way to Bangkok. AND I DO NOT WOO FEMALES.

26. How abt no.7?
-.- He's attached. Third time this kind of question was asked.

27. Is no.4 Single?
Apparently.

28. What is the surname of no.5?
Ong.

29. What's the hobby of no.10?
Playing basketball. (if that's what bball stands for)

30. Does no. 5 and 9 get along well?
They are best friends. x) Well? hahahaha.

31. Where is no.2 studying at?
NYGH

32.Talk something casually about no. 1.
Extremely talented person. And a nice sis. Plus she forgives me. x)

33. Where does no.9 live at?
Never asked.

34. What colour does no. 4 like?
Red

35. Are no.5 and no.1 best friends?
They don't know each other.

36. Does no.1 have any pets?
Not that I know of.

37. Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

38. What is no. 6 doing now?
Most probably reading fanfics. Blogging.

9:05 PM
History and Geography EOY 2008

They were hard. Hard as in I might get low marks. But slightly better than LA, I hope. I want an A1... I didn't know the answers for some of the questions. And I hope a blister doesn't form on my finger again.

Oh. Tianjiao, me smiling doesn't equal to being happy. x)

Thursday, October 09, 2008, 8:08 PM

I'm trapped in me,
with no way out.
The fear overtakes,
Cowardly I run.

Running from all I see,
Running from all I feel.
I run from all I'm afraid of,
But I can't run from myself.

Hide and escape I try,
In desperation I cry.
The tears fall in pain,
Struggling in disdain.

4:04 PM
Language Arts EOY 2008

It wasn't that good. It was rather horrible. My funny story wasn't that funny, I had absolutely no idea how the author created tension and did not know what many of the answers to the compre was. if I can pass, I'll believe in miracles. To get my goal of A1, fat chance.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008, 6:23 PM

crystal tagged me. anyway, this seems fun.

A. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any questions that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
B. Tag 8 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.


Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. What do you think an ideal best friend should be like?
Hm. Understanding, caring, accepts who I am, Honest (Even frank), someone who I can confide in and also confides in me.

2. What would you never ever give up?
People I love.

3. What do you want the most now?
To pass my EOYs.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
INVEST! I'll play the stock market with it. And bank most of it in, so I can earn the interest without doing anything. But seriously, why do I need a billion dollars? I'll just hand it over to my parents, but use some of it to buy a new organ (ELS-01) and a guitar.

5. Isn't Arron Yan just awesome?
Arron rocks. Can't find any other adjective strong enough to describe him.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
both and neither.

7. Can you whistle?
Birds can. Fiona can't.

8. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
eh. um. no?

9.Do you like chocolate?
no, I love it.

10. Would you trade your most beloved object for a guy?
Depends on how much I like that guy.

11.How would you see yourself in 10 years’ time?
I'll be 22. I want to study in Harvard then.

12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
My family, Tiffany (Yea, twiffy, you're still my best friend), Jie.


13.Have you finished all your revision?
unfortunately, no.

14. What do you want to do after exams?
hm. learn many many things, lose weight and grow tall.

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Open my eyes. x)


16. What does your favourite kind of shampoo smells like
i don't have a favourite.

17. How would you rate the perfection of your life now?
Over 10, I guess 7. Hey, even with the EOYs, I must appreciate what I have.

18. What type of people do you like?
People who look like marshmallows! x) Ok, people who like 112's flying pig are accepted.

tagged:
1. Natalie
2. Amelia
3. Joey
4. Jie
5. PingGhee
6. ZhuoYa xuejie
7. TianJiao
8. Marsiat

6:00 PM
Higher Chinese EOY 2008

today's higher chinese paper 1 and 2 was argh. not brilliant but passable. I wrote the question 2 and 4, 描写文。It was about 《绿意盎然的狮城》. Quite easy. I don't know why everybody else do the 时间分配question. I don't know what it's about. 时间在家的分配还是在学校的分配呢?根本不清楚。还有,我不太记得社区活动的过程了,要写什么啊?so I just wrote about 我爱的新加坡,花园城市。hehe. I even included MM Lee in the opening.

Lots of answers in Paper 2 were like, damn short. 4 marks questins, what's there to write? One question the answer is simply, "一生一世相联系", don't know if i'm wrong. worried, worried.

And something happened today. It's about a needle and pink thread. I shan't say more.




Tuesday, October 07, 2008, 9:14 PM
乐伤悲惧

真的想一了了之,
逃避心中的恐惧。
真的想抛开一切,
躲避那极大魔力。

夜晚的刮风雷雨,
害得我遍体鳞伤。
黑暗的降临难免,
所有恐惧都我扛。

忧郁与消沉浮现,
夺走我其他感觉。
远离快乐之路道,
乐及悲哪有差别?

7:50 PM

Just witnessed an accident. sigh. won't go in detail now, have to patch up my chinese. sigh sigh sigh.

Monday, October 06, 2008, 10:20 PM
Music of Despair

The music rushes into my ears,
Blocking out all external noise.
The beat pulses through my heart,
And I sing with a powerful voice.

My fingers race on the keys,
Fighting a battle with despair.
The melody enters my soul,
But the emptiness is still there.

My body trembles, the music roars,
Troubles persist and stay in my mind.
The organ vibrates, the speakers blare.
Why can't the worries be left behind?

The climax came and ended in seconds,
Leaving behind a mark in my heart.
The song started and ended that fast,
But the lingering fears just won't part.

Sunday, October 05, 2008, 4:44 PM

just found out that there are many variations of my name from blog surfing. yea, I'm blog surfing when I haven't finished revision. Like, Fina, Fiorina, Fionina, Fiola. Ooohlala.

12:34 PM
我罪该万死、最该万死。

我好像又得罪人了耶。我怎么老是得罪别人啊?真的觉得自己越来越讨人厌,那怪这么多人不喜欢我,觉得我很烦、很吵、占地方。我以后少说话为妙。

我考试会不会及格啊?能及格就很好了。


2:59 AM
Hana姐

Hana姐人好好哦!真的希望能继续和她做好朋友,那我以后又多一个可以诉苦等等的朋友咯!尤其是喜欢迟迟睡觉的。如果Arietta在就好,但在美国,现在是星期六下午三点,她为什么不在线上呢?我们约好了耶。会不会出事啦?唉哟,读孔子、历史多闷呀。还有好多好多呢。

听Hana姐说,新加坡在台湾还蛮有名的,NUS也很出名,大概跟台大一样有名。她说我太好奇了,但不必要刻意不问东问西。这样的人,哪里找?我看呀,连哥、姐、学姐、等等等等,都没有哪个耐心呢。怎么一个陌生人却这么包容我啊?她又任何自由block我嘛!

Friday, October 03, 2008, 10:09 PM
《刁蛮公主》的哥哥

看着《刁蛮公主》的前几集,就觉得哇!司徒静的哥哥超好的。什么事都帮她,连最西奈的东西也给她。当妹妹的感觉应该很好吧,有大哥哥、大姐姐照顾。真羡慕。

还有,我看我今晚就别睡了吧。希望Ariette会快点上网。Bella都到欧洲旅游去了,想寄电邮也不行。看来,我够可怜了,只能跟望有说出心里的话。有时候,总觉得网友比任何人都了解我。甚至胜过 Twiffy(hehe.Tiffany, I like your nickname) 和JunHui。可能胜过妈咪吧。但纪律超小。想不出来还有谁了解我的想法,了解我做事的本意。

哼。大家都认为我这个人不好,太坦率。怎么了?我说话,开开玩笑,碍到你们哦?拜托,我真的有那么讨人厌吗?有的话就直截了当跟我讲嘛!不要再握背后说话,这样很没有道德观念。x)呵呵。

还有,我真真觉得洪赐建超帅的。比什么外国人来得好。我最喜欢的还是新加坡人。如果去了澳洲,那肯定会跟外地的男生怎样。不好耶。他们大多不会很好的花纹嘛。而且那里是dispersed settlements, 要出门也要很遥远的距离。还是算了吧。新加坡最好。

9:06 PM
Misintrepreted

You never knew what's inside of me,
You never saw it meant to see.
I will not make you try and believe,
Because insults will be all I receive.

The moon and the stars both stay bright,
But my heart has always an absence of light.
For my true intentions are forever not right,
And for my stand I just cannot fight.

I know what it feels to have no more,
Into shreds my heart they tore.
Those words permanently shut the door,
The reality left me no dreams anymore.

8:56 PM
Misunderstood

I know I don’t look like you,
don’t act like you,
don’t talk like you,
you look at me like I’m a freak just because I’m different,
just because I have different ways,
but I’m not all that different,
see we're all kind of the same,
we all go through a lot of the same things,
and have a lot of the same problems,
in the end we all need to talk to someone to help us out,
but not everyone has someone,
some of us get cast away like we're nothing but freaks,
outcast to the world,
well, I’m not cool,
I’m not hot,
so what am I?
Misunderstood,
misunderstood in this world and in this life,
misunderstood,
and I know if the world would just give different a chance,
it wouldn't be different
it would be unique,
special, or a talent for what they are or can do,
but for now we're still misunderstood. a freak just because I’m different,
just because I have different ways,
but I’m not all that different,
see we're all kind of the same,
we all go through a lot of the same things,
and have a lot of the same problems,
in the end we all need to talk to someone to help us out,
but not everyone has someone,
some of us get cast away like we're nothing but freaks,
outcast to the world,
well, I’m not cool,
I’m not hot,
so what am I?
Misunderstood,
misunderstood in this world and in this life,
misunderstood,
and I know if the world would just give different a chance,
it wouldn't be different
it would be unique,
special, or a talent for what they are or can do,
but for now we're still misunderstood.

Thursday, October 02, 2008, 7:52 PM
Gave up my seat twice

crap. crap. crap.

I'm feeling really... xian. Don't know what I want to do. Nothing to watch on youtube, don't feel like eating anything, which is damn rare because I love to eat, don't know what to revise, and I'm usually planned. I just feel like doing nothing but I want to do something. I'm messed up.

During Chinese lesson, we had this 180 words spelling. Ok, there were like, at least 2 words per spelling but like, 180 词/量词. I got 160. x) ok, Samantha or some genius got like, 170++. It was boring and boring and boring. Everybody was chiong-ing.

We did nothing during art again. I was looking forward to drawing something. This is the third consecutive Art hour we wasted. sheesh.

On the bus home, I finally got a seat beside Jun Hui. I was a little hungry and nauseous. Then a French woman with three kids got onto the bus. I know she's French because Jun Hui said she was speaking French. But only two of her children got seats, so I gave mine's up. Then I was moving to the back of the bus. And I got another seat, beside Ping Ghee. I noticed that then, Jun Hui had also gave up her seat to an old granny. Suddenly, there was a old grandma standing beside me. I asked if she wanted my seat; she said no. These kind of AhMa are really kind-hearted, but you know it makes me awkward, because it's like, against my conscience. So I got up and she thought I was alighting an sat down. Then she realised I wasn't alighting. Five minutes later, I was staring at something when I noticed that beside Ping Ghee was this poster telling people to give up their seats. hahaha. If I didn't give it up, I probably would be cursed. sheesh. Made me think of my 爷爷。If he didn't get a seat, I would be very worried and blamed everyone on the bus for not sparing a thought for him. I miss 爷爷. How I wished he was still alive. sigh. it's always when you no longer have something then you realise how important they are. Anyway, back on topic.The back of the bus had a weird smell, like there was a gas leak or something and smelt like something burnt, like a mixture of burning charcoal/fuel and lighted sparklers. eww. I was like, damn nauseous and that smell made it worse, and difficult to breathe. I pity the elderly on that stupid bus. I think it was going to break down. Hope that it could hold on until the interchange.

I ate my dinner at 4pm. what a weird diet.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008, 10:30 PM
stressed. to the core.

Revision is going on so slowly. Practically didn't revise the whole of today. Woke up a bit later, aroung 9. Because I slept late last night. Did my chinese and realised I did some before. But that was when I nearly finished it. Then I had to cook my own lunch because Mum and Dad and Zhixuan were in Malaysia for the day. So cooking and eating my lunch, took about 1 and a half hours. sheesh. Then I did my maths, 45 minutes. Watched a bit of Fated to Love You. Ok, not a bit. A few episodes. Then bathed (I usually take long long baths) and dinner. Then I had to draw this extremely stupid drawing which took my one and a half hours. sheesh. It's because I'm bad at drawing lah. then... I'm here.

So pissed. Revising is such a bore. Luckily there are nice and interesting subjects such as geography and History. So I can not feel so bored about the sciences and the maths and the languages. sigh.

I think I'll probably fail my EOYs. argh. I don't want to fail. who does. so I shall continue to mug. 加油。