depresión desesperación I have been hurt
again
Tuesday, September 30, 2008, 10:21 PM
Straws

Just like shadows of one another, never one without the other.

We used to tell each other everything, And every corner of my heart was known to you

But those times never stayed, never last. Those times we had, just all went past.

Looking around, I never see you anymore. Looking around, you are always missing, a hole in my life.

We never do the same things anymore. You're always far away and I'm never here.

I believe the friendship is still present, though rarely seen anymore. I believe that in times of need, you'll be here and I'll stay firm.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

9:43 PM
Muffins


We baked muffins today! woohoo! oh, and I finished a descriptive writing piece. Impressive huh? Sheesh. I was bored. Just as well.

We got back out scenario writing today! woohoo! I failed my first draft and now, I finally passed. And Amelia, I was not boasting. I only told some people, those i exchanged with and if they shouted it all across the classroom, it's not my fault. Anyway, Ang Jie got 4th in the country, impressive. She's like, such an all-rounder, 不愧是全国第三名的状元.


We baked muffins! yay! But it was not banana muffins, they were mixed fruit. And they smelt nice. Absolutely delicious. The fragrance of the freshly baked muffins, hot in the oven, wafted into my nostrils, sending me to the realms of heaven. But I was unpleasantly awoken by a growling in my stomach. So when I got back to the safety of the classroom, I took a bite and gosh, it was delicious. I shall bake some again after EOYs.

Don't they look simply tempting?

OK. They didn't rise that well. And it made me think of how Jie cooked/baked her glove. x) And Mrs Lee lied, the fruits all sank to the bottom. Oh, and it reminds me of Rachel's birthday muffin. The one with a butterfly on top.


8:53 PM
The Bus Stop

As I walked down the overhead bridge, I saw massess of people crowding around several areas of the bus stop. Nanyang girls wearing white or jackets crowded and blocked the path near the stairs while Hwa Chong boys stood around the other end of the bus stop, blocking all view of the oncoming buses.

I squeezed through the crowds of people, until I reached the middle of the two masses of people, where the dustbin was. I stood there, experienced a sense of relief. On the two sides, the gap was becoming smaller and smaller as the demand of space at the back turned greater and greater. People from both Nanyang and NJC came down the overhead bridge in twos and threes, and they, like me, squeezed through the back and into the front. Boys bustled out of the school gate in groups of five to seven, or even ten, like bunches of grapes, going round the crowd to the empty space in the middle.

I turned around and saw a tree with a large trunk, covered in moss and ferns. Water dripped slowly from it, giving a calm sense of peace, of the nature still found in a bustling city like Singapore. The uneven surface of the trunk had many cracks in the bark and from these cracks, which looked like vertical glaciers, water trickled down, one drop every second. From the leaves, the water fell from the middle to the tip and down, every drop causing the leaf to be pressed slightly downwards and bounce back up again.

I looked across the road at the hedge. As the vehicles passed, the leaves ruffled in the wind, in the direction of the cars. An ocasional heavy vehicle would cause a distinct ruffle, a more vigourous one from the rest. Often, they gave out lots of carbon monoxide, causing the headge to become very blurred, and the greyish smog sits there for seconds and slowly clears as the passing vehicles cause it to spread out.

Standing there among the huge amounts of students, I wait for my bus which never seems to come, gazing longingly at the many buses of the same number (aka 171) which pass by.

Monday, September 29, 2008, 11:51 PM
La elección

Don't make me do this.
You know the outcome.
Don't make my life difficult.
You will suffer.

I'm not all that strong.
My heart is weak.
I'm not ready to face it.
My heart won't beat.

You know me best of all.
I don't know the answer.
You just want to ask for a chance.
I don't want to give you one.

Don't break the bond between.
It might never heal again.
Don't force me to choose.
It might never be you.

Dejar que las cosas estancia la forma en que se

11:18 PM
First time buying stamps

The computer in class spoiled. because someone went to force shut down on Friday. And no one went to report. omg. sheesh. We should use the LMS form. Anyway, I couldn't watch Hot Shot or Miss No Good until lunch, when Brenda, Gah Yarn and I went to computer lab 3 to watch it. According to Brenda, ahem i was red in the face, hand covering mouth, looking like I was abotu to burst, shaking the table in my effort not to laugh. -.- Was I that exaggerated? But it was damn funny. I didn't want to watch Hot Shot because that must be watched in a conducive environment with not limited time shorter than the whole episode. x) I love both shows that much. GO!

一个打得像要砍人,一个像被人砍。That sentence rocks. Go Jie-er! You rock. Totally. I want to learn Basketball too. sigh. Maybe I'll grow taller that way.

I went to the post office to buy stamps for the first time in my life. Spent $3.50. Bought two stamps to Indonesia, and two to America. I suppose now I can mail Bella and Katie. x) yay. I saw this caucasian woman in front of me, pushing a baby cart, with two kids. One girl, about P3 or P4, Natalie (haha) and a young toddler or kindergarten boy, Dominic. Ignore the names. The boy was real cute. Funny. Two Singaporean kids, one chinese boy and one malay girl, also kindergarten, were playing and laughing and guess what he said? "They are laughing at me!" haha. so cute.

These are the stamps.

OH. the fighter jet featured is the newest one used in the air force, an unmanned one, controlled from the control tower. It helps to reduce fatalities. x)


This one is cute.

Sunday, September 28, 2008, 11:28 AM
Fated to Love You

After reading the episode synopsis for Fated To Love you, I finally understand why it has such a high viewership. The plot is not too draggy or anything, but every episode, many things happen. Gosh, I love the script writer.

Saturday, September 27, 2008, 10:57 PM
Magical Love

I just finished watching Magical Love starring Ella. Well... it's erm... nice, I must say but it gets far too draggy at the back. Ella's really cute in this series. The ending is like... diao. but sweet. x)

Oh. just finished a long lecture about internet safety from my parents while I was exercising on the trampoline. sheesh.




8:57 PM
警告你。

我叫Fiona. 叫我贻珍、小珍、Fifi、Ion、小妹妹,都好。就是不要叫我真猪妹。


7:44 PM
神经病

我已经忍无可忍了。什么考试嘛!怎么样也复习不完、复习不够,已经够紧张了,身旁的人好到处给我找麻烦。妈咪不让我睡午觉,也不想想我有多累了。我睡午觉碍到她哦?还有啊,就是我弟。可恶,只不过说不愿意帮他玩Maple, train account,就一直惹我,害我不能K书。一整天只读完Agriculture。我很闲空是吗?拜托啦,放过我吧。我精神神经已经超紧绷了。如果我忍耐不住,崩溃了,鬼知道我会干嘛。我没救了。吃再多的清心药也没用了。如果你有看1《18禁不禁》,最后几集,他们不是在考试吗?记得地球变成什么样子吗?我已经差不多这样了。还要我怎么样嘛!你Maple很烂会阻碍你人生吗?再玩就有了。可是我考试不及格是会影响我一辈子的,也没人会同情我。你们一直在折磨我,一直一直在折磨我!

别忘了,我是个神经病,有忧郁症和恐慌症。出事了,可别怪我。


8:27 AM
Arietta

Well, Arietta seems like a very nice friend who can be my confidante. And replace them. We live in totally differently time zones. She lives in Philpadelphia, USA while I live in Singapore. Exactly 12hours. gosh.

And one hour ago, I was so hungry that I felt like vomiting. And I tried to eat some bread, but couldn't swallow it. sigh. I feel so fortunate I'm not one of the starving ones in Africa.




4:41 AM
Love Flew Away

Unreal as an omen
It was love in a mist,
Romance between them
Just didn't exist.

Try as they may
Their love flew away,
And clairvoyant powers
Predicted the day.


Opportune moments
Were fewer than few,
Repenting at leisure
Feelings were blue.

But maybe a spark
Will light up cloud nine,
And maybe a bright flame
Will ignite love divine.


4:24 AM
a lonely night

This whole night, I've been so tired, but can't sleep, sitting in the small corner between my bed, the wall and my wardrobe, barely able to stretch out my hands sideways, huddling on a pillow propped up against the wall, right hand holding a torch and left hand holding my geography notes, ears stuffed with my headphones and eyes staring blankly at the wall.

Friday, September 26, 2008, 10:29 PM
认识你到说再见

你还记得我吗?
我是你同班同学。

你要做朋友吗?
我们可以当朋友。

你真的喜欢她?
我来帮你追到她。

你失恋了对吗?
我马上来安慰你。

你真的忘了她?
我很开心你笑了。

你喜不喜欢我?
我真的很喜欢你。

你明天有空吗?
我们一起出去玩。

你要给我什么?
我期待我的生日。


你现在在哪里?
我一直找不到你。


你到底想什么?
我怎么都不明白。


你在避开我吗?
我不知道为什么。

你喜欢别人吗?
我感到非常不安。

你干吗要分手?
我不要这么结束。

你从没喜欢我?
我原来一厢情愿。

你只要当朋友?
我怎么会有意见。

你跟她复合了?
我祝你永远幸福。

你要介绍朋友?
我不想要男朋友。

你明天要结婚?
我可能不会去了。

你问我怎没去?
我准备出国深造。

你想要去送机?
我感到非常开心。

你带她一起去?
我想你还是别来。


你要祝我幸福?
我没有你不可能。


再见。

12:00 PM
我的电台 FM S.H.E

found a song that would fit the 小王子 story if we were doing it. sigh. 612星球– S.H.E (我的电台 FM S.H.E). It's very nice. Well, I only wanted to post that song alone. But never mind, I'll post the whole album, with the Bonus track too.
This album totally rocks. I love it. And S.H.E's albums are so innovative! And their songs too.


我的电台 FM S.H.E





10:25 AM
14 compos to write

I feel so busted. What's there to write about cats and trees? And someone humourous? I can only remember JiaYi.

Thursday, September 25, 2008, 8:32 PM
Screwed my Jap Written

I think I screwed my Japanese EOYs big time. I was stressing out this morning. And reaching MOELC Ghim Moh, I lost it. I seriously lost it. If I had asthma, I would have died. And I didn't everything I could to stop myself from crying. Now, I'm still suffering from the aftermath and stress for the upcoming EOYs.

我崩溃了。而且我需要的安慰没有人能给我。

10:26 AM
Overflowing Heart (Jap written today.)

I'm stressed. Making use of Home Learning time to study jap. I haven't finished and it's later. And I'm forgetting everything. Why didn't Seo SenSei give us practice papers?

Trying to keep the tears away,
Trying to keep the blood in.
I'm hurting so much inside,
What can I do to stop it?

My feelings overflow my heart,
But there's no one I can pour to.
I try to keep the bottlecap on,
How do I overcome the odds?

When the unknown lies ahead,
Obstructing my whole life,
What must I acheive to stay firm?
What can I do to hold on?

The grim darkness blocks the path,
Removing all my directions.
North, South, East, West,
Where is the correct road?

Panic strikes and helpless I am,
Fearing to grope for support.
Terror comes and I'm afraid,
Why can't I calm me down?

When the unknown lies ahead,
Obstructing my whole life,
What must I acheive to stay firm?
What can I do to hold on?

3:20 AM

私は疲れて、寝たいです。でも、明日に日本語のテストがいます、今日本語を勉強しています、寝ていません。私はコーヒーを飲んでいます、寝たくありますん。コーヒーはよくありません。私はコーヒーはあまり好きじゃありません。

2:05 AM

等待天黑以後
無邊的寂寞
連想你都是種殘酷解脫

這一季的秋天
飄落後才發現
這幸福的碎片
要我怎麼撿

1:54 AM
Together, alone.

Why does it always seem to be the two of us?
Where are the rest of the living reality?
Why are we forever left alone at night?
Why do we continue to wallow in misery?

Why do we strive for what never comes?
What must we do to prove ourselves?
Where are all the friends we once knew?
Why does it always seem to be the two of us?


something I wrote while complaning to Vanessa about mugging for Japanese.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 3:41 PM
Trapped

I'm standing on a tiny platform,
It isn't more than a metre square.
It's heated from underneath,
It's burning from within.

The soles on my shoes are melting,
Turning into rubber goo.
If I try to sit I burn myself,
And fleshy jello I will be.

In desperation escape I seek,
Looking for freedom's path.
I don't want to stay no more,
Straight
away I must go.

Before me are fields of spines,
Can't walk there and still survive.
The closely knitted thorns I see,
Will not leave me in one piece.

I turn around and see a forest,
Dark and gloomy it seems.
Savage creatures' roars echo,
Ensuring a trespasser's death.

Right there is a sea of acid,
Disintegrating everything in it.
Through the pale yellow waters,
Nothing can swim across it.

Firmly held onto hope,
The last medicine I seek.
It's the only thing I have,
A waking dream inside me.

But behind me no road lies,
But there a raging fire sears.
Stretching to all infinity,
Forever burning without fuel.

I shudder and turn away,
Considering each possible path.
But no chances lie ahead,
No choice but to remain.

Soon the heat will penetrate,
And melt my very skin.
Against time I struggled,
Looking for the hand of mercy.

Until death all is life,
But miracles don't come.
Hope, withering, fled,
And Mercy sighed farewell.
darmi la libertà

Tuesday, September 23, 2008, 4:02 PM
Screwed my Jap Oral

I screwed my Japanese Oral. Totally. My reading and self-introduction was near perfect. But my conversation was hell. Bloody crap. I kept giving wrong answers, pausing for too long and had much grammar mistakes. argh. There was once I said わかりません, which means, I don't understand. And i said も一度お願いします (Please repeat) thrice. Omg. And I kept giving wrong answers. Like she was asking me one thing and I said another. Although many things happened and she said I was cute. Oh, when she asked me what my class was, I said one hundred and twelve (112). How dumb.

Today was fun. Very slack. Maths we did our own things, like worksheets or revision; Chinese we were going through paper, also quite slack; Home Economics, people who didn't print their coursework went to do it and the rest us who did (approx. 6) slacked; LA, Ms Teng didn't come so we did a compo which I was crapping (How do I write a funny story based on 'he loved my brains'?); History, Mrs Kuan didn't come as well and we were doing some weird things; CCT, Ms Lye also wasn't here so we played murderer.

Oh. Big news of today. I got my first 80.5 for Chinese Paper 2, even if it was only a practice paper and even if TianJiao had helped me a little.

Sunday, September 21, 2008, 1:29 AM
Movies, Movies and More Movies!



I watched plenty of movies today, as well as revision of Japanese. Watched The Cheetah Girls, The Cheetah Girls 2, Picture This (Starring Ashley Tisdale) and Ballet Shoes (Starring Emma Watson). It was brilliant. My favourite was Ballet Shoes, because it was original. It didn't matter that it was set in the 1950s and it was brilliant. Absolutely fabulous. I simply don't understand why critics gave it a bad review. Ok, maybe the story has got not climax, but it's worth my time. Better than he Disney ones and the Picture This, because the storylines are all cliche.
In Ballet Shoes, when Posy said "I'm not crying about Madame getting a stroke. I'm crying because I can't get my training." That came as a real shock. I mean, I was thinking "What has the harsh realities of life done to those poor girls?" You should watch it.

Saturday, September 20, 2008, 8:02 AM
Camp Rock

Just finished watching Camp Rock. It rocks. Totally. Want to watch The Cheetah Girls next.

Friday, September 19, 2008, 11:00 PM
Music Assessment

My MP4 ran out of battery today. ah. I was suffering from lack of it. PCCG was boring, Ms Lye was droning on and on about the Golden Rules of treating others with respect, etc. TianJiao and I were reading under our desks. Ok, not under. I was openly reading but listening too, and Ms Lye knew it. I'm such a bad girl.

Reading Cartwheel was fun. Very fun. Let's hope I got something high. x) And then, during Chinese, it was damn boring. The first part, I had no idea what 刘老师 was saying, something about 汉字的演变 from the Internet. So TianJiao and I were again, reading. Don't know if she knew. Because if I didn't read, I would fall asleep anyway. It was that boring. especially if the teacher is serious and solemn. If it was 洪老师, she wouldn't give us such a boring lesson. I miss her, even if she had been very fierce to me in P5, because it was all my fault.

History was slack. Very slack. Mrs Chek came in and said something about the DSA survery and then Mrs Kuan came in, asked who was interested in FPS next year (not me) and told us our CA2 marks (Mine's 31.7/50, 2nd in class). I know, Ping Ghee, I'm irritating. Do I look like I care? Explaining our CA2 marks took up all the time already.

Next was... Music! Loved it. JunHui, PingGhee, WanLin, Callie and I had starved the whole day just preparing it. Which means we practiced during both breaks. And we rocked. You go, guys! Totally. But I forgot to ask ChunShan to help me video it on my phone. :( Our swapping fours was totally perfect. And I thought I would panic. Because I couldn't improvise.

Amelia did her duty today. (no offence.) But because of much obstruction (ie. people loitering around and couldn't be moved away), she couldn't sweep properly so afer everyone left me and JunHui were still doing duty (I was erasing it and waiting for JunHui but her duty was to empty the dustbin, so had to wait for everyone to leave and not throw anymore rubbish) and couldn't stand it, so we swept again.

On the bus, I saw MingHui, the one from Jap class. She actually takes 67! I didn't know. But apparently, I've seen her on the bus before. And reaching the bus stop, JunHui woke me. I was still sleeping. Must have beentoo tired. It reminded of getting down the bus two days ago. I was sleeping and nearly missed my stop but the ACS guy beside me (He was really cute!) poked me with vigour to wake me up. I shot up and said thanks and ran fell down the bus. Ok, did not fall down but nearly did.

Getting home, I had homemade pizza to eat. woohoo! And dinner was Roti Prata with curry. yay.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008, 7:01 PM
Minamata Disease

We found out that we weren't supposed to act 小王子 for Choral and Drama Night, but 水银祸。It's about the Minamata Disease. I'm acting as a little girl again. But it'll be fun. I volunteered. Sorry Amelia. But turns out everyone guessed that I would volunteer. They know me well. :) I want to make the fishies! It sounds fun. We did the 'Machine that does nothing' game today. It's supposed to be part of the show.

Today, for LA we played a game and it was fun. It's called "Just a Minute". My CL group got 13 sticks. woohoo! Vanessa got the most - 6. I got the least - 1, because not much mistakes were made.

I want to go for OM Shanghai. JunLi and I want to be in the same group. Looking for more ppl. From what I understand, we have to form groups before they choose us by the groups.

Going back from third lang, Huahua said that her bubble floated away again and looking in the distance, I saw it hovering about the opposite MRT track, the one going towards Pasir Ris and then it floated away and went downwards. lol.

6:21 PM
Game of Cruelty

Love or hate, they are the same.
To them their cruelty seems a game.
But now, boxed in a world of fears,
I'm blanketed by layers of tears.

The fault always seem to be mine,
To my errs I had been so blind.
Too bossy and lef myself to hell,
Tried to be happy but still I fell.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008, 6:23 PM
Bronze SMO

Today was rather ok. Just that this morning I took the bus with the boys and after I got off, I received a sms from Malcolm saying 也不跟我打个招呼。Haha. I was busy trying to play a song on my MP4 and dao-ed him today. Uh-oh. Before I know, Mrs Raymond would hear that I ‘ignored and pretended not to see’ him. x)

And I got my results for Singapore Maths Olympiad this year. Woohoo! I got a Bronze! If I get a chance, I definitely would want to go for Maths training next year. Maybe then I would get a Silver. I got Bronze last year and Bronze again this year. No improvement. Sigh. Anyway, many people got Honourable Mention. I didn’t know what was Honourable Mention. Thought it was some kind of prestigious thing, some special award to very outstanding people. But turned out to be below Bronze but not COP. Oh well.

Oh. I did my Spice Garden CIP today. The plants were infested with weeds. We plucked out so much and during recess, Wanqing plucked a lot out too. Wonder what the rest of them were doing this morning. No offence. And there was this plant which was very yellow and Wanlin wanted to cut all the yellow leaves away but she realized that if she did that, none not much of the plant would be left, perhaps one or two pathetic leaves with a few greenish stems.

Oh. Making the Mooncake was so fun. Me and Danielle did it differently. Everyone just did their own but I put all the lotus paste into the snowskin and rolled it into a ball while she moulded it expertly. woohoo! And it looked so nice. Tasted fantastic too. Jasmine didn't want to waste the powder so she put the rest of it on the top of her mooncakes. It's all sugar!!!

Finished my Chinese practice paper 20 minutes earlier today. Impressive. And I realized that it would be impossible to get an A2 for Chinese. I must start working harder and perhaps, I'll be able to get it next year. Blame my paper 2. :( feeling gloomy about it.



Monday, September 15, 2008, 9:43 PM
SPA Physics

Today was so crappy. So many tests. My SPA was bad. Sheesh. It was horrible but I can't reveal anything. argh. Then there was two maths quizzes which I probably failed. I must revise. And then was Japanese Chapter 11 Matome quiz, which I got one wrong. AHHHH!


Sunday, September 14, 2008, 5:56 PM
Worth of my life


Your Life Is Worth...


$966,000


5:31 PM
Celtic Horoscope

You Are A Cedar Tree


You are elegant yet unpretentious, modest yet vivacious.

Attractive and friendly, you are full of imagination but might lack passion.

You abhor vulgar people, and you don't like anything in excess.

You have little more ambition than to live a calm life and enjoy nature.

You create a content, peaceful atmosphere for others.

1:19 PM
studying for SPA

crap. what the hell do we need to study for SPA? I'm getting really really stressed.

10:50 AM
Cat's questions

Cat just asked me two questions.

"Vix, are you sure you're an extrovert?" and "If your Jie is so important to
you, why is she at the bottom of your links while your Ge is at the top?"
Well... I think I am an extrovert. well. At least the tests I took says so. Anyway, about Jie and Ge... I think if Jie was at the bottom and Ge was at the top, the two would look nice together. You'll understand if you go look yourself. Don't think too much.


Saturday, September 13, 2008, 5:02 PM
悲伤的秘密

难过的时候
不要躲在角落哭泣
潇洒的微笑
比崩溃更需要勇气
失去的感情
应该让它随风而去
真正的关心
要知道怎么去珍惜
宝贵的回忆
会把悲痛减到最低
说过的诺言
有可能来不及实现
致命的伤害
总有一天就会复原
隐藏的想念
会是一辈子的心结

2:03 PM

Don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel like eating and eating and eating every minute, every second.

12:58 AM
相声表演

Today (or should I say yesterday?) I went for the 相声表演 in National Library Drama Theatre Centre. It was nice. I was laughing a lot for the first half. but for the second half, I was dozing away. Not because it wasn't nice, but I really couldn't help it. On my way there, I saw Shi Ling at Jurong East MRT and we went ther together. On the MRT, there was a couple displaying public displays of extreme affection. Practically on top of ech other already. Seriously, it's a public place. And many people were staring, making te atmosphere very awkward and uncomfortable. I was tempted to go and say, "Excuse me, this is the MRT for Pete's sake. There are underage kids here like me. Would you please get a room instead?"

Walking from Bugis to National Library, I was nearly poked by a cigarette. Hey please lah. Smoking in public not only affects your own health, but also pollutes the environment and injures others. And I do not like second-hand smoke. So Singaporeans, try to quit. Not only for yourself, but for others too. I found out there were still may spare tickets. Shimin told Yutng but Yutong didn't tell me or I would have given one to TianJiao.

On the way home, I tried running after Xinzhuo they all but they disappeared so I went back alone. From Bugis to Juong, I was leaning against a glass panel and three office ladies in their thirties squeezed there although there were other places to stand. One was standing in front of me, her arms stretcing across to grab hold of the pole. I couldn't move and felt very trapped. Whenever I accidentally touched her, she would give me a very dirty look. Hey! I'm not complaining that I'm sniffing all your BO and it's not me fault I keep touching you. Also, they were giggling and gossipping. That's right, 30+ year olds behavig like P5s. Maybe this is what they call "young at heart".

During PE, we were running in the rain. And Ms Yeo was right. I was very selfish. Perhaps I was scared to get sick or something. But helping everyone else didn't once appear in my mind. Sorry. I will try not to be so self-centred again. While talking to Junhui, I realised one thing: If it happened last year, I wold put all the blame on the teacher of wrongly accusing us, making all sorts of excuses for myself, but I can't do it this year, no matter what the teacher says. Because I know deep down in my heart that whatever reason I give, I will still know that it's my fault.

I bought the Adobe Web Premium 3.3 already. x) plus norton antivirus for only like, $110. Cheap right? MOE student edition lah. And I was queueing for Sarah with her card too. x) hehe. And the 霹雳 MIT trailer is amazing. Discovered that it's same director as 爱杀. 简直是在钓我胃口嘛!现在,我对它的期望超高的。原本以为是一部爱情片,那些奥秘的部分不会很多活很好看。现在,肯定跟爱杀一样好看,或者更好。可是我判断这部戏会很钓我胃口。让我时时刻刻都在想它。

Thursday, September 11, 2008, 5:33 PM
un-balanced

Feel so sick today. My head was going bonkers already. Whenever I moved my head, it felt like that time my head 'lost balance' because one of the thingy inside my head had burst or something. And I was like, vomiting as if I was sitting on a rollercoaster all the time. the doctor had to put me on a drip, which didn't actually. Luckily that burst thingy healed. crap. I'm digressing. Anyway, it was harder to breathe today too. Like there was extreme air pressure or something and whenever I breathed, my throat was like, filled and I was choking on air. weird. very weird. And I don't feel tired.

Oh. I found out why me and ChunShan's peace banner wasn't displayed. the resolution was too low. Mrs Tan didn't say how big it had to be! And I thought it was because it didn't look nice. 超不爽。Everyone else's was displayed. We got back our past homework. And surprisingly, I realised my art isn't so bad after all. x) I improved...

And when me and Ping Ghee was waiting for the bus, I told her about that time 哥 asked me that stupid question again and I was studying for bio that time and nearly 发飙. She actually found it funny. -.- oh. before I forget, Ge, no offence.

And reading all that spam on my tagboard really did make me think. Maybe she has a point. But what's with the 'I like Ge' thing all over again. :(

P.S. Congrats to jie for winning the dance award(s). So Pro.


Wednesday, September 10, 2008, 10:28 PM

ok. I didn't blog much yesterday. So I'll make up for it today. Anyway, yesterday, interesting things happened.

During lunch, we were playing songs on the class computer, and singing to them. Then Huahua blew a bubble (you know the ones from Kampong Glam?) and we were playing with it when the 大风吹until it was out of the window. It flew past the other class windows but we could not reach it. After a while, we spotted it on the ground level, in the eco pond, floating around. hahaha. Everyone was rushing to take a look and it was hilarious. Then a fish went to poke it and it started shrinking. :(

During History, TianJiao and I were playing pick-up sticks with the pins again and Mrs Kuan was having fun telling me about Princess Fiona from Shrek. -.- Callie and Ping Ghee were playing too and she made a fan-like structure of the pins. Beautiful.


Then during LA, we had to have a test-run of the Reading Cartwheel and the alleys to sit were blocked, so I was made to si in the centre. And no one tapped me out. argh. Anyway, we were trying to talk about Harry Potter when Wanqing was saying something about the Wrinkle in Time. No idea what that is. Seemed like something the GEP girls did for literature in primary school. Tianjiao and co. were telling me to restart the topic of Harry Potter. Why didn't they tap me out then and say it themselves?

Then during Chinese remedial, I attempted at writing 描写文 but it was hard. Must practice and read more. After school, Junhui and I were walking towards the bus stop when we passed by Huahua eating a gingerbreadman made of biscuit instead of gingerbread and we felt like buying one each too. So we did. And for 50c, it was delicious. She didnt want to finish it and wanted to show her mother. So we started out eating the legs, then th arms. It became a thing with no limbs! haha. Then the bus came so I didn't finish it too. I went home and showed my mum too. She thought it was cute. x) Next time, I want to learn how to make it.

a picture of the cookie in the plasticbag.
Oh. And for home econs yesterday, we played a very fun game. x) hehe. My score was 10560.
Today, well... we did a very interesting thing for Speech Training. Similar to Chinese Drama lah. The bangbong thingy was played was driving stuff. Anyway, we were taught to have 定局, the freeze scenes. It was fun. And the story we're gong to act for Choral and Drama night is like, so touching. I want to help programme lights (shortform: lx). It would be so cool.
Today, Bio test I nearly cried. Ok, I did cry a bit because I was so desperate I didn't know how to do the cooked potato thingy. And I lost four marks already. how pathetic.
During, Jap, Seo sensei gave us Kokeshi in the form of titbits from Miyagi Prefecture in Japan. How nice. I didn't know it was edible and thought it was wood. But turned out to be edible anyway. Aren't they cute?

Tuesday, September 09, 2008, 9:57 PM

Ge just told me one thing: I offended people by blogging about things I don't like. If I offended you, I'm sorry. No personal attacks or anything. And remember I'm a very frank person and I tend to like to express my views more openly than most people.

Oh. And something else I dislike: people asking me questions which I have answered a million times already. And it's not something you kinda forget easily. I know I asked some people what their names are a million times (sorry about that, I'll make lots of effort to remember.) but no, not that kind.

After exams, I'll consider making my blog private.


Monday, September 08, 2008, 11:05 PM
Ate a half-kueh, half-cake delicacy.

boring day. watched Hot Shot ep 7. It was so nice. Jerry Yan rocks. and his confession part was so cool, filled with emotion.

I remember telling JunHui to make sure I didn't buy anything after third language. But she instigatedd me to instead. sheesh. But I was really hungry then lah.




Sunday, September 07, 2008, 6:28 PM
空壳子

壳子原本是满满的,就像心灵的快乐,被友情包围。但是壳子慢慢变大,不能呆在那个有很多朋友的地方。它慢步踏进了另一个世界,慢慢发现,其实这个世界没有那么美好,不是每个人都愿意跟她做朋友。即使它怎么努力,也不会像以前一样那么快乐。它的努力换来了偶尔的欢笑,偶尔的肩膀让它靠,但却让它经起一阵阵的风浪,把它摔在尖利的石头上,让它无法恢复成原来的样子。即使裂痕复原,但疤痕不会消失。从那些裂痕中,壳子里的快乐、单纯都慢慢流出来,再也回不来。如今,壳子里什么也没有了,帮它补壳的人最后只会敲碎它,造成再也恢复不了的伤害。



我感觉像一个空壳子,一个没有任何资源的壳子。大家都认为我在封闭自己,但其实是这个世界已经没有我的位子了。努力了超过一年,我慢慢躲起来,不想再寻找能让自己从新开了起来的地方。不能哭,只能微笑。不能怒,只能忍耐。直到有一天,有人向我证明我自己在世界的位子,而并不是我一个人孤单地活,把心埋起来,永远不见光明。

9:18 AM
Memorising TCM

Ok. I didn't sleep last night. But then again, I was up reading through my texts. Didn't have time to do the reports. Die. I must finish them by today. aiya. Reading about traditional chinese medicine is crazy. It's not as if I'm going to take up that job when I graduate, will I? And I checked. In that handout, many points are exactly the same as the texts in my aunt's TCM textbook. I might as well memorise that and go take a 中医执照 考试.

If you read 哥's tagboard, you'll see the many weird comments about me calling people (AKA Edwin) 学长. That was plain weird. Not to mention sensitive. What's wrong about calling people that? It's just my habit and my personality. And personalities are hard to change. Furthermore, I don't see a need to change myself on purpose. And some people do find it very 爽 when I call them 学长 or 学姐.


12:57 AM
Fever.

I was supposed to go for lots of things today. Music Lesson, Gefang, Jie's performance and finally the MAF. But I didn't go for any. I was sick. And once I finish reading through the notes, I'll finish up the BRP. Oh well. Must 咬紧牙关 and do by today. Or before dawnbreak, to be precise. The night really does pass very fast. I slept from 3pm to 10.30pm today. haha.

Finish watching Dou Yu. It was fantastic. (If you don't want spoilers, don't read on.) But YuHao died. No... he can't die. This is the only Taiwanese Drama I've watched where two of the main character dies. The other is Hong Dou. I've always wanted a main character to die but now, I'm sad and disappointed. Turns out Dou Yu 2 is only teling us about the 4 years in the middle of the story.


Saturday, September 06, 2008, 11:10 AM
Stressed.

Didn't actually sleep much. Memorising definitions of Chinese Weddings isn't fun. I still cannot remember. The dates of festivals just can't seem to get into my head. Why am I studying for this crap test? I couldn't sleep yesterday, lying down on my bed made me think I would fail all my exams and I would spring up and start studying again. Until Mum came in at 6am today, I pretended to hav fallen asleep on my desk and she told me to sleep on the bed. I woke up at 8am today. And I'm not lethargic at all. Just having a bad cold and migrain. What's happening to me? I'm losing control.

Friday, September 05, 2008, 10:35 PM
sick.

feeling sick. extremely sick. and my head can't take the pressure.

Dylan Kuo is so hot. And YuYan can give up anything for love. Impressive. I won't be able to do that, I'm sure. I will never throw away my future for love. Very unrealistic.

10:23 PM
疏远的距离

黑暗包庇我的泪,
没人看见我心碎。
天天盼望你会陪,
想要温暖你会给。

你真以为我好骗,
但我从来不埋怨。
可是我终于发觉,
你离我越来越远。

8:16 PM
URL change.

I changed my URL because Ge used it to explain why Edwin could so easily get my email from him. Anyway, for your information, Miedo y Miseria is Fear and Misery in Spanish. Maybe I should put Dolor y Desesperación, Pain and Desperation. But Desesperación is already in the blogskins so forget it.

I'll stay up late again tonight. To revise culture, which I'll probably fail in. Am addicted to The Outsiders now. x) YuHao is so cute.

Nothing much happened in my life today except for the fact that my temperature was yo-yoing between 39 and 35.

9:44 AM
cramps.

Ok. I slept yesterday night. woohoo. Finally appreciated the wonder of sleeping. Anyway, I woke up havig multiple cramps on my calf muscles because I tip-toed too much yesterday. sigh. Shuting xuejie said that means they are growing. hope so. And looking back, we (in the control room) were virtually horrified by the people running ot and giving flowers like that. seriously. and Mr Lim was like, "what are they doing?!" Ge had so many supporters. amazing. And i forgot. He had a good reason for not singing properly. And Jie's sleeve-like thing dropped. might as well have done that to both sides at first if you asked me. Luckily the VP wasn't there.


A group photo minus Yimeng xuejie and ziqing xuejie.
Top (Right to Left): WenChang, Ge, YanMing xuezhang, dunno. dunno. (sorry.)
Bottom (Right to Left): Siman xuejie, Huiling xuejie, zhuoya xuejie, Doctor xuejie, TingChih xuejie, Kangyan xuejie, Tingyi xuejie (the half of her head), Shutig xuejie, Elizabeth xuejie, Me!

Thursday, September 04, 2008, 11:48 PM
Forget-Me-Not Musical

This morning, I had fever. Pretty sad. But I self-medicated and I recovered pretty fast. x) It is my mum's birthday so we went out to eat lunch and go shopping and stuff, then I went to school for the musical immediately.

I went to the recording studio and saw a very bu shuang MaKe xuejie and a highly caffeinated Jie. She seemed to have drank one too many cans of coffee. Three! Omg. But I drank a few packets of coffee to let me get up and walk. If not, I'd probably have fainted and landed in hospital for lack of sleep or something. Seriously. I had a severe migrain this morning and nearly fainted a few times, if not for Wanqing repeatedly calling me, causing my phone to blast loud music often. I thought I would have nothing to do and be able to watch the programme. But I was wrong. I was sent to the control room, this strange and foreign place. But I did the lights quite well, after a 10 minute crash course. Of course, at first I was kinda lousy but then practice makes perfect and I got more and more pro. Of course,I was too short an had to tiptoe to control the lights and see the stage from the window. Throughout the thing I improvised a bit to make it look nicer. woohoo! And I added CYC to some people for fun. And Mr Lim said it makes a nice effect. As well as CYC clouds to Kangyan xuejie.

Mr Lim sent me up the control room carrying a heavy 2kg Apple laptop. And M Ng made us run to catch up with him. Of course I was panting. You think a sick girl like me can run that fast with a 2kg load and still be calm and cool? Anyway, they were singing first. I turned on the wrong spotlight for the first track, Yanming xuezhang's one. He was smart enough to walk to the wrong spotlight and not wait for me to turn on the correct one. Then Ge sang with him. Please, he held the mic so far away, the least was like, 4 inches? please. Ge, you also didn't warm-up. You sounded strangled. I know I'm not supposed to do that but fter you sang with Jie, the three of us in the control room (Ziqing xuejie controlling lights, Mr Lim controlling the cameras and I) were dreading you singing another song and were quite relieved at the thought you would not sing again. It really was that bad. And I nearly hid under the table and stuffed my ears. Couldn't bear to listen. Sorry, I don't mean to flame or anything. But perhaps remember to warm-up next time. Even Mr Lim could tell you were very flat. And hold the mic properly.

Jie rocked. She was Ge's 'Anata'. hahaha. You so rule. And Mr Lim was all "Wow. She can sing." XD Then Zhuoya xuejie was dancing. I was playing with the lights to make them flash different colours. Of course, I was told earlier to adjust the levels of the colours from time to time to ensure the change in colours. And it was not easy. I think I did a good job. :) yay. Hey. I'm not being ego or anything but i was asked to do it so suddenly, of course it's counted as a good job.


The movie was quite nice. I want to burn a copy! But my scene was crap. Seriously. I do not look the part. Maybe we should have had Zhuoya xuejie stand on two boxes.

Argh. My coffee effect mustn't wear off. I need to continue revising bio and chinese culture. But my alimentary canal is already protesting.sigh. And cut my hair today, resulting in me looking like some short and fat mushroom.

i seem to have offended many people recently.

1:39 AM
Midnight chatting

Talking to Edwin xuezhang. yes, I know wenchang hemhem. I'm trying to change lah. Anyway, he's this friend of Ge's who suddenly fet like msning me. And Ge, next time don't give my email to someone I haven't seen before, or otherwise labelled as a stranger. No offence. Although it has been nice talking to you. And he persuaded me to create a Facebook account, i think it's a waste of time. -.-

Wednesday, September 03, 2008, 10:32 PM

A few things are running through my mind now. I rarely write in point form but here goes.
1. I have lots of things to do. Can't sleep tonight.
2. I haven't slept for two days already.
3. My immune system's gone down.
4. My dad's having high fever.
5. So does lots of people.
6. As I mentioned, my immune's system's gone down. By a lot.
7. I don't want to get sick.
8. I should sleep.
9. I still have lots of things to do. Definitely can't sleep tonight.

Ok. there they are. Look like a bunch of crap but seriously. They are IMPORTANT.

9:58 PM
眼泪石头

不要在乎我的感受,
一万个安慰是不够。
反正没人对我温柔,
心里的一切绝不漏。

心底压着一块石头,
一直试还是搬不走。
不知道做什么才够,
难过哭泣到底对否。

5:34 PM
Crash World

Sometimes I wonder why I insisted to stay in Singapore when I can fly off to Australia and live a carefree and less stressful school life in a nice wesern country. Is it because my friends? We can still keep in contact anyway. I treasue my mental health even more. I'm totally busted with homework, I think I've returned to my suicidal state, just like the first 4 months of school this year. And this time, knives are getting closer and closer.

But I hate scars, especially even more so after I cut myself while trimming a picture of DongHae. sheesh. Seriously, thinking about that time, I accidentally slashed one of the pictures into two, right across his face and the next one I started cutting, poof! I cut myself. Incredible. Must be karma or something. Seriously, I don't think it was such a major cut but it still hasn't completely healed! And my thumbprint is affected. It only took 5 hours for me to completely recover from stapling my thumb last year. Maybe I need to eat more vitamins and have more platelets or something.

(P.S. I'm not being... whatever, but Jie, ignore it.)
(P.P.S. I brought the P.S. forward because it would look stupid and have no relation if I put it at the end.)

Ok. I used to hate nicknames. Fine, not hate. Just the corny ones and offensive ones. Of course, 'Piggy' is welcolmed but 'Fat Piggy' so does not work. That's just an example. Er... a side note. This bit of info is so not for you, Bystander XueJie. But you might just play around with it. oh well. Back to the point. Now, people have ranged from calling me 'Fiona' :) to 'ion'. The newest one is... 小珍?! Ion sounds cool, I can't deny. But 小珍? I don't oppose it, but you-out-there, why are you calling me this? It sounds... bleepbleepbleepbleep. (Those were not swear words btw. Just some things that will be used as a persoal attack on me.) The next thing I know, many people will start calling me those nicknames. sheesh.

2:33 PM
Foggy Daze

A sweet, calm smile rests on my face,
But if you stare into my eyes,
Storm clouds billow and churn,
Tears glaze like rainy day skies.

I haven't seen the sun
Since I don't know when,
A misty gray shroud
Blocks and clouds my vision.

My life's been taken over
By a sadistic grandfather clock.
Time haunts and taunts me,
There's no way to keep up.

But if you ask me how I've been,
Invariably I'll look up and grin;
For what more is there to say
Besides, "Oh, I'm OK."


3:19 AM
Doing my damn homework in the middle of the night.

Yep. that's really what I'm doing. sigh. I'm doing the Kevin piece and it's really stupid. Please mother, Kevin totally needs a break. I mean, "Remember, Kevin, if you don't get 95% or more - " is such a stupid sentence! I can almost imagine a thin, scrawny, tired, pale mother sying this in a frustrating, high-pitched tone. Puh-lease, it's too much to expect your son to do well for every freakin' test there is. I have such strong opinions about this mother, I think I would do very well in the EOYs if something that makes me feel so strongly comes out. If my mum does this, and she never will, I'll run away and never come back. My mum never hits me or forces me to get above a certain score, just advises me what kind of goal I should set. And to restrict what I watch? Oh no. She knows I have my limits. And to judge my friends by their covers? That is the attitude of the rich snobby taitais who obviously look down on people who actually have a life, and these people hopefully only appear in stories and dramas. And no, I'm not flaming anyone. I'm just expressing my heartfelt opinions of a fictional character in my unseen prose. My mum would always tell me not to expect so high of myself and not give myself stress, except for Chinese, which she tells me to work harder for. It is totally comprehendable. I'm so ashamed of my Chinese. I'M A CHINESE FOR PETE'S SAKE!

2:36 AM
Insomnia

Through my blood no adrenaline is flowing,
My mind is blank as I stare at the ceiling.
Empty thoughts rush and I have no feeling,
How the numbers on the clock are mocking.

The sneering hands pointing to half past four,
Loneliness slowly creeps into my heart's door.
The prescribed medicine I can take no more,
Into my mouth the fatality I really mustn't pour.

"I'll stand by your side forever" you once said,
Remembering when sleep won't enter my head.
They remain in my mind as I finally drop dead,
Farewell to sleepless nights for eternity I bade.

2:27 AM
Insomnia strikes

I can't sleep. Don't know why. Perhaps it's because I'm thinking of you. But most probably not, I'm not a love-sick girl. The doctor says my depression has gotten worse. Maybe insomnia is final unavoidable. But I can't eat sedatives at my age. I so need my liver. I should just take the chance to finish up the homework I've been dragging for a long time, since I can work better when everyone else is asleep. Gosh, after typing in the blog title, I feel like writing a poem dealing with Insomnia.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008, 9:07 PM
Americanised Death Note

They cannot remake Death Note. No... anything but never Death Note. Especially if they americanise it. The whole feel will be different, although Death Note is quite modern but it will change the feeling of the story. And if Zac Efron is cast as Light, I'll turn homicidal. Although the prospect of an Americanised Death Note is somehow exciting and interesting, what's Asian should remain Asian. And if they ruin the whole image of Death Note, I'll die. Death Note is sacred. Hands off, Americans!

6:38 PM
Random Access Misery

I want to live, I want to be
Someone who looks just like me.
But can't let go of the memories
From my random access misery.


I think about everything,
I just want to be what I seem to be.
But that is just not who I am,
Something not inside of me.


I see the people on the streets,
Being what they're meant to be.
Why can't I be who I want to be?
Why can't I the real me?


I want to live, I want to be
Someone who looks just like me.
But can't let go of the memories
From my random access misery.

4:29 PM
Many visitors...

Just discovered that not only a lot of people read my blog, even people I don't know read my blog, like some curious bloghopper who got addicted to my blog (AKA Cat) and people who know my friends. I really must be more careful about what I write. Maybe I should just transform everything of my life into poems, then no one can blame me or know which one is true or false.

10:00 AM
冷漠里的温暖。

以为世界冷漠,
以为没人理我。
从世人眼闪躲,
害怕变得软弱。

我没说你怎会,
知我心里的鬼?
被看穿只好退,
免被伤而心碎。

但在人生路道,
遇见你还真好。
知心朋友难找,
离开请你不要。

在迷宫到处转,
彼此信心满满。
是你让我心软,
谢谢你的温暖。

9:23 AM
Hot Shot Soundtrack

It's out! It's finally out! omg. I cant believe it. I went to download all the songs. Although I totally want to buy it, I can't... I'm broke. But why don't they have the songs "Hot Shot" by Alan Luo, "一半" by Jerry Yan and "Cause I believe" by Alan Luo in it? Those are the best. But luckily, there's "Superman". It's the 超呛 song. That's why I simply love it. I'll change the song on my blog from that to this. x)

Monday, September 01, 2008, 8:29 AM
damn homework.

mum and dad and zhixuan have gone for a day trip to malaysia. I feel so lonely. I want to go too. But I have so much homework to do and so much to revise. Being alone at home, makes the word solitude protrude further in my mind.

damn it. I don't think the teachers intend for us to revise at all. doing the homework is enough to occupy the whole of the hols.

oh. happy teachers' day!