depresión desesperación I have been hurt
again
Monday, August 31, 2009, 6:14 PM
Teachers' Day 09

Today we had loads of fun. I pon-ed 3rd lang to go. I'll do elearning at home anyway. But Malcolm and Gavin, who are freaking tall (I'm barely up to their shoulder) kept teasing me about my height. Because they said they had nothing better to do. Anyway. We played Concentrate on Lot 1's rooftop. JunHui was like, very childish leh! AND aunties were staring at us. keep feeling that we disgraced Nanyang. But we weren't doing anything against moral values (Except playing a childish game) so I hope it's fine. I thought Malcolm was bluffing when he said during one round that I was number 3, but then he wasn't. I was amazed. He grew up.

We went back and saw many teachers. Oh. We paid $3.30 each (12 of us: Shammah, Junhui, Junhong, Gavin, Malcolm, Faiz, Gigi, Kimberly, Nicole, Seowhwee, Gabriel and I.) for a Body Shop set of soap for Mrs Raymond. Whoa. And the boys had waited for hours poor them. I ate a Apple Pie and a Extra Small coke for lunch, and felt amazingly full.

We talked a lot, and Mdm Mona Lee said that my brother made a right choice in transferring school. HAH. His class was still problematic without him. SO it's wrong to conclude that my bro caused everything. Hrumph. You know, my brother topped his class in Mathematics, English and Science! i'm so happy for him. His 270++ is in sight!

Mrs Raymond treated us to bubble tea which was really expensive. and we talked a lot. But this time, the boys isolated themselves. aw. I really don't know what boys are thinking now. They seemed to be different from girls. But I don't think they matured as much. Although some probably did. (Malcolm has an emo pm. O.o Never expected that.) ANd Junhong seems pretty much mature. He was always more mature than the rest anyway. His voice broke though. So did Caleb. There were more than 15 people i think. about 20 6A peeps. Perhaps. But just alot.

And he looks cooler with his longish hair.


Sunday, August 30, 2009, 12:48 AM
嫉妒

嫉妒,就是当我看到她拥有我没有的东西时,我心里面会好难过好难过,因为我以为我拥有那些东西。然后我就会想要从她身边夺走那些东西,让它们都归于我,就算我得不到也不想要她拥有。

嫉妒,就是不喜欢她快乐,想要把内心的痛苦全部都加在她的身上。虽然我知道她不会在乎我对她做什么,却还是很想破坏她的一切。不在乎会伤害到谁,就是想要伤害她。

嫉妒,就是当我看到当她心情不好,别人对她特别对她付出关心,我会想到我心情不好时,只会被别人亏,没有人会在乎我为什么那么低落。然后,我会对那个人好失望好失望,因为我很在乎她们。只是在她们眼里,我只不过是个同学,勉强成为朋友,不值一提。

嫉妒,让我满身都长刺,因为我害怕,害怕会全心全意去嫉妒一个人,尤其是我在乎的人。因为就算我再怎么讨厌她,我也不可能对她做什么。

嫉妒,让我变得孤僻,把真正想要说的话藏在心底,不肯让它见到世界。因为我知道我好不容易得来的一点点,一定会被那些真心话破坏,让所有的一切成为历史。

嫉妒,像癌症细胞一样,偷偷进入了我的心脏,不知不觉地散播,然后就突然有一天让我发现它得存在了,但一切都已经太迟了。因为不管我做什么,都没有办法挽回了。如果要医治,那么经过化疗的我一定会痛不欲生,伤痕累累。

嫉妒,真的很残忍,因为它让你无比地痛苦,却不会让你死掉。只能一直忍,一直忍,到上帝愿意从充满折磨的地狱释放我那天为止。

我怎么会变成这样?

12:29 AM
当没有人愿意听我说的话时,剩下的只有沉默。

曾经以为你的世界会一直围着我转,我也会一直围着你转。即使离开,也是你看着我的背影,而我是回头挥手的那个。但如今,挥手的却是你,眼睁睁看你离开的是我。

以为没有人愿意听我说的话时,所以保持沉默。她却说有人愿意听我说的话,只是我不讲话而已。听到这句话时,我真的好感动,真的哭出来了。因为我以为没人会在乎,也没有人会理会。
没有R,我真的很难适应,因为以前R她们就像一个棉被一样,在寒冷的冬天包围着我,让我不会冷,暖暖的,而她们就跟我一起躲在棉被里面。我就站在她们中间,就像主角一样。但是现在,我确变成那个给别人盖棉被的人,但从来不会跟着躲进温暖的被子,一个人留在外面,即使冻死也没人替我盖被。即使我还不能习惯成为配角,却只能强颜欢笑地让别人成为最耀眼的那颗星星。


R是第一个让我感觉到我能够发光发热,不需要看别人脸色的那个人。要不是她,我也没办法成为现在的我。能够遇见她是我这一辈子最幸运的事情。只是我很痛恨那只是短短两年半,也应该没有可能延长到永远了。R,我们的回忆多到数不清,但时间已经让它们慢慢淡化了。我只能说,你会是我永远的好朋友,永远在我心里有重要的位置。

Friday, August 28, 2009, 8:37 PM

Today, the briefing for subject combination finally ended. I’m very positive I want Humanities Programme. And my mum thinks it’s fine too. But I want to wait for her to finish listening to the talk. You know, from the start I thought the whole class only I wanted to go to BSP(C). But I found out, Wanqing and Sam both wanted to go too.

But I’m scared. What if it’s too hard for me to cope? What if I become too stressed? But I’ll decide everything after mummy has given me her go-ahead. If she thinks it’s too much, or comes up with a reason, I’ll listen to her. Even if I think it’s impossible now, I’ll probably believe her when she tells me her opinion. Just like for GEP, and to choose Geography.

I sort of regret not getting to know Samantha better. At least earlier than this. We're like going to be separated soon, and I'll lose a chance at getting to know this great person. If we're both going to BSP(C) then it's a different story. sigh.

Thursday, August 27, 2009, 12:30 PM
恶魔天使

我今天突然想起她。就叫她W吧。

与以往不同。今天我想到的不是她好,而是她背叛我的那一天。想着想着,不知道为什么就哭了起来。因为被W背叛,是我从来没有想过的事情。虽然她只是区区不相信我了,但是因为她不信任我的那件事对我来说太重要了,所以特别难过。

曾经以为不管怎样都不会觉得她不是我的朋友,但是今天却不同。可能我因为另外一个她的关系,不知不觉已经把恨与厌融入我的生活。连我所珍惜的回忆都慢慢被这股邪恶抹黑了。拼命想要把黑暗赶走,但是光明却一步一步离我而去。

W本来在我心目中是一个天使,但是我记得的却是她像魔鬼一样伤害我。当然我们不是非常好的朋友,但是我们的友谊应该是存在的。记得她曾经对我说我不值得相信,也不可能让人然信任,我哭了一整晚。她曾经在大家面前说我只不过是一个满口谎言,不停地假装的骗子。我没有说话。而大家就当我默认了。W的影响力真的很大。过后没有人愿意跟我说话,连原本相信我的人也开始怀疑我的一切了。

为什么,一直以来把她当成朋友,现在她却变成恶魔了?

*注明:W并不是你们能够猜测的。因为这个字母与她的名字毫无关系。以后我不会用“某人”了。只会用字母。

Tuesday, August 25, 2009, 9:59 AM

我快崩溃了!谁能来救救我!
一天之内,要我怎么背的完啊!

谁犯错就谁负责啊!这不是天经地义的吗?还要理论什么呢?


Thursday, August 20, 2009, 8:39 PM

i'm totally freaking out over the maths reflection. I really don't know how to do and I wasted an entire day on it.

I know everyone else did too. But I'm really freaking out now. AND I haven't studied for bio quiz. I don't get the menstruation topic.




Sunday, August 16, 2009, 1:31 PM
《会有天使替我爱你》


明晓溪的《会有天使替我爱你》
这本书让我哭了好多,也让我一直不停地分心,还我很多功课都还没有做完。但是这本书太感人了,也有一部电视剧呢!我一定会去看的。

Saturday, August 15, 2009, 8:46 PM

I highly doubt that my hand was ever fractured. 肯定是那个医生眼花了。但他明明就很年轻。I think I only sprained it, that's why it's recovering so fast. sheesh.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009, 12:40 AM
某人。

你们知道吗?当某人知道自己是谁的那刻,竟然一直跟我说:“可是当时明明就很假!”某人啊,某人,你真的很执着。或许你不知道,我一直以来都觉得你很直率,使唯一几个说话我不需要怀疑的人,因为你不会拐弯抹角,刻意隐瞒。虽然某人对我很不好,我还把你当很好的朋友。不过,我想这应该是我单方面的想法罢了。就是因为如此,可不可以拜托你,伤人的话少说一点。“每个人都觉得你很假。”这种话不必说了,好吗?

我知道,你一定会说,“要写就应该当面跟我说。” 但就如同你说的,我们俩如果要单独讲话,感觉很怪。如果要当着大家的面说,我不会。因为我习惯以开朗的语气说话,如果开朗不起来就不会说话。这种话,某人,你要我怎么对你说?

不是什么事情都需要明确地说出来的。
我也会犯同样的错,但我已经尽量改了。
不是每个人都喜欢表现心中真正的感受的。因为我不像你。
某人,看到了吗?

Saturday, August 08, 2009, 7:21 PM
X-ray and a 娘娘腔doctor

the doctor at the polyclinic was damn gay. His voice was all gentle and girly and was like, can't stand it. Guys should not be so... feminine. I don't even talk like that. And although the diagnosis for my arm said nothing's wrong with my bone, the doctor still thinks that I migh thave a hairline crack and wants me to go to KK A&E, which I refuse to. Because it's damn ex. I don't think there's anything wrong with my bone, and going to see another acupuncturist. He's really good, and if there is a hairline crack, he'll spot it. He spotted my brother's before. Hrumph.

But it still hurts real bad. To type this, I already sent myself into hell. Can't type with one hand. Very weird. And my dad got me a sling which made it loads better. BTW, even if you can move it, it can still hurt. I don't believe you can't move your hand at all when you injure it. I don't believe you can't understand the pain. I don't believe you've never injured yourself before. I don't believe you thought that I was faking it. I feel so... sad.


Friday, August 07, 2009, 6:22 PM
溜冰之狱

溜冰,好好玩。但是偏偏一场意外让我的幸福消失殆尽,再次把我打回刚逃出来的地狱。所承受的痛苦快让我快崩溃了。一忍再忍,就是不想破坏她们的快乐光阴。但是你知道吗?某一个她竟然说既然我的手可以移动,就没有理由会痛。只是她不知道,每一次我动,都像一个重重的巨锤狠狠敲打我的手,让我痛不欲生。眼泪都向我挑战,逼得我不得不把她们放出来,虽然是一点一滴地,还是很痛苦,很痛苦。而我……就快要被那持续不断的伤痛逼疯了。

再见啦。

Tuesday, August 04, 2009, 2:52 PM
History and Chinese Block Test 2 2009

Blocks was... Chinese was okay, history was fine. Don't want to talk about it. Makes me stressed out. And geography is hard to study for. but it's tomorrow, so I've got no choice.

yesterday, brenda, tianjiao and etc were playing badminton in the hall, and Gah Yarn told me to bring Brenda's bottle up to her. So i did, and saw a glob of brown things. Commented I, "this looks like dog poo" and it was on the court on which they were playing. Then they peered at it and decided to move away. You mean you all didn't notice?!




Saturday, August 01, 2009, 9:13 AM
Geography Revision 1

Air pressure and altitude.
- they have inverse relationships.
- so higher the altitude (Eg. top of a mountain), higher the air pressure.

Air pressure and temperature
- also inverse relationship
- higher temperature = lower air pressure.

Although mrs amy said not to lump those two together. but i can't help but wonder: Why is it that we are at low altitude, so there should be high air pressure. HOWEVER, we also have high temperature?