depresión desesperación I have been hurt
again
Wednesday, December 31, 2008, 2:09 AM
《半世纪天使》

刚读完海豚座的《半世纪天使》,虽然我托了很久,但看海豚座的书,每次都回让我的心囊里深深感动,让我不由自主地流下一串一串的泪。他的故事并不跟一般故事一样,也不太可能发生,但却叙述得很好。谢谢你,海豚座,写出让我感动的爱情故事,让我更有灵感写出属于我自己的小说。

Monday, December 29, 2008, 9:57 PM
PSL General Meeting

This morning the PSL General meeting, there was like, lots of discussion and I saw some friends, yea. And I was put in Marketing Committee, in charge of posting updates on duties on the PSL blog. How did they know I blog often enough to update everyday? Amazing.

And then Amelia wanted to go to Lot 1 and buy Show's album with her sis, but her sis wasn't there yet, so we went to my house. But before that, I brought her to the Swee Heng besidethe interchange, and ate absolutely delicious pandan waffles. It was hot and soft, seemed to melt in your mouth. We went to my house and I put up the first poster in my room. And started putting up more. So now there are 4. I'll go through a week with them, until I feel uncomfortable.

But suddenly, jiaqi arrived. thought she would only be coming at 3 or 4. So Amelia was using my com to chat with tianjiao while I taught her.

And the little nyonya is getting better and better. But the news said that we have to go through olympic syllables.


Sunday, December 28, 2008, 12:59 PM

这几天我想要吃正餐都想得快发疯了,连做梦也想要吃饭、面、青菜。可是每次一醒来,只有泻药、太极茶和苹果等着我。那种滋味真的很难忍受。知道厨房有饭有面却不能吃,最多吃一些玉米或苹果,很残忍耶!晚上肚子饿,只有饼干吃,但饼干对我已经不好吃了,我也不想吃了。天天喝八杯茶,喝喝喝,起初越喝越好喝,但喝久了,就会变成很难喝,根本喝不下去。我又不是你,又没有像你一样生过那么多病。我只是人长得太矮太矮,月经不顺罢了。我根本就没有那个意志力断食!连回教徒断食晚上和早上都有的吃,我呢?三天不吃东西了。只有苹果在肚子里,每次喝水都可以感觉到水在肚子里动,在肚子里摇动,空空的。连爸爸也为我心痛。

我又没有那么肥,只是肚子一点肥肉,腿比别人大一点而已嘛。我又没有要做模特儿。现在我吃一碗快熟面而已,连菜都没有,就要把我骂到臭头。大不了吃泻盐(sodium sulfate tastes like salt, but more bitter) 排泄掉不久好了。我知道排毒对我很好,可是应该适可而止,不是吗?我在发育期耶!头脑空空,整天晕晕的,难道就很好吗?

Saturday, December 27, 2008, 4:09 PM

oh crap. it's freezing cold in the library and I can't type as fast as usual. My fingers are stiff and I'm already wearing my jacket. I should have brought winter wear.

Yep. I'm doing the sms and email notification service 'road show' again. But i have no idea why they call it roadshow. And many China people dao me. -.- sheesh,


Friday, December 26, 2008, 11:47 PM

just posted my new story on BaiDu.
http://tieba.baidu.com/f?kz=518764322


Thursday, December 25, 2008, 11:21 PM

haven't eaten anything today except for one slice of kaya toast, one apple, lots of chinese tea and lots of water filled with sodium sulfate.

1:51 PM
Desaru 2008

came back from Malaysia, Desaru yesterday. My dad drove us there as usual.

On monday, I bought new shoes there, in Tesco which appeared suddenly beside Tebrau City/Jusco. They are like, competing for customers. -.- But Jusco was still the more vibrant one of the two. Aeon (the management of tebrau city) put cones on the road to prevent cars from going to Tebrau from Tesco, like you hae to choose between Tesco or Jusco. But many went through by some means, like my dad did. hehe.

Then we went to the hotel (more of a chalet) and put down our luggage, then went to the beach. My brother and I digged a hole in the sand and a drain from the seafront to the hole, and filled it up with seawater. x) haha. Then we played in the seawater and all, but there was this damn big wave which send three of us, my dad, my brother and I reeling in the water and i lost my spectacles to the ocean. On monday. which was crap. I'm like 70% blind without my spectacles. what the heck. And survived through the next two days with my brother's binoculars and borrowing his glasses from time to time.

The second day, we went to the Fruit farm. The fruits were quite nice, I actually saw passionfruits growing and tasted them during lunch provided by the farm. The ones I ate in Taiwan taste much much much better. It looked kinda disgusting, red skin and yellow flesh, but it tastes heavenly. You can't judge a book by its cover. hehe. The vegetarian meal was delicious, but a tad too oily. My brother and I bought a pair of matching handphone keychains (because mine broke) and they were the 'Nightmare before Christmas' series, which my brother seems to love very much. I just like the dull colours.

We went swimming afterwards in the hotel pool which was sandy and muddy at the bottom because people with dirty feet went in. -.- and my family played 海带 in the pool. haha. Then this guy jumped on my back when I was swimming laps, apparently he didn't see me. And I nearly drowned. No, not really. Just got ducked into the water but swam away with an excruciating backache and fractured bruised arm. Hey! I don't camouflage with the water and you can't say I'm not within your vision because I'm too short. :( But dinner was great too. We barbeque with our hotplate (it has multi-functions. We cooked steamboat the previous day). Oh, the tv reception there was great and we could watch 小娘惹. haha. I missed yesterday's though, because I was at a Christmas Eve babeque party thing with people of my religion. x)

Then yesterday, the 3rd day, we went to play billiard (an extremely boring game to me) and my brother kepy complaining I couldn't play properly and he kept winning. So he playe with my father instead and I nearly went into the men's toilet because I couldn't see. Nope, I didn't fall into the pool as well. x) We went around, and drove back to Singapore. We didn't go straight home, of couse not, but went to our usual spectacle shop and made a new pair of spectacles for me and my brother (his degree increased). Mine didn't. So now, i'm wearing my p6 spectacles which word fine, except that I scrubbed it with greenwool one and a quarter years ago and it has too many scratches for me to use it long term again.

So now, i'm wrapping my new textbooks, which I haven't touched at all. sigh. my room's in a mess...

Saturday, December 20, 2008, 1:54 PM
HCJC Drama Camp 2008

The Hwa Chong camp was damn fun. I was in 麒麟组 and my facils were Bena and Yisheng. Surprisingly, YiSheng's 贻 is the same as the 贻 in my name. =) hehe. They are really nice. My team members were Ethel (my best friend in the camp), Joyce, LeYi, YuZhou (The shuai person), Han Cheng (the super-tallie), Gabriel ( a sec 2 HCI person, not from 6A), QiYou and YeFeng (the only p6). There was some gender segregation but all in all I mixed quite well. QiYou was rather annoying and he looked seriously like a square, 什么事都有意见,少说一点不行哦!见识超少的。 Leyi was a bit weird, nice one time but weird the other. She didn't lend Ethel a pen when she asked for one, just stared at her, and took away my cork from the sparkling water that I was saving as a souvenier, and refused to give it back, not saying anything but staring at someone else. What the heck.

The first day was rather fun, the ice-breakers were ice. We played this game called 私奔。And we had to stand male-female-male-female and hold hands. I was rather relunctant to. (Come on! Who wouldn't?) And then it was my turn and Gabriel and I had to run. He held my hand rather tight because we were running. :/ 对啦,我很敏感嘛!The rest ah... I held rather loosely, perhaps just a touch. gulp. I don't like that game. Gabriel was like, quite a nice guy though.

We learnt quite a few things and all, and then we plyed a few games throughout the four days. And had the 舞美lessons: 道具、音响、灯光、摄影、录影、化妆、服装。and 韩劳达老师 came and gave us lessons. We won the 大型游戏, which was the Amazing race. Made me think of the PSL Camp. I seriously loved the amazing race then, it let me know our CBD better. We won it and in one of the stations, we put lots of soldier makeup on Bena's face. And we sewed one star each, although I helped two people sew theirs (they were too slow). And surprisingly NUS High doesn't have Home Econs (LeYi was in home econs). Another game we played ws treasure hunt, just that we had to find stuff around HCI that was found in a 'crime scene' and act it out. Ours was crap, though we found most things.


Anyway, we acted out a skit, 飞机坠落后。I was the super short flight attendant, Han Cheng was the pilot, Ethel was the doctor, Gabriel was the passenger, YeFeng was the lazy rich man, and Joyce was the terrified terrorist. x) We had the plane crash onto this lost island, because the pilot 尿急 and fogot to put it to autopilot. haha. And the terrorist had put a time-bomb on the plane, which hadn't exploded yet but she had a concussion and lost her memory. She wrote everything on her arms beorehand in case she forgot. And Gabriel and I went to look for the bomb in the place whereas Ethel and HanCheng went to look in the audience. Gabriel and I said one of the most 经典台词。


乘客:喂!你看倒了吗?一个可疑的东西
服务员:什么?
乘客:一个可疑的东西
服务员:什么?
乘客:一个可疑的东西
服务员:啊,一个可疑的东西。
乘客:快去看看吧!
(走到飞机那里)
服务员:看是这个吧。09…08…07…06…05…
乘客:啊!是那个定时炸弹!快桃吧!
服务员:什么定时炸弹? 还没看见呢!(拿出灭火器)你看!我在读日期呢!
乘客:看来是找不到了,我们回去吧。
服务员:唔。


haha. And the rich guy was sitting around, fanning himself with his money. x) It's actually Yisheng's 2 $10 notes. And then we came out and started swatting mosquitoes, then she found more words on her hands. We read them out and it said that the bomb was on her (she was a suicide bomber). She took it out and we all screamed. Then the passenger said he knew how to diffuse the bomb and he went on to cut the red wire with the pilot's scissors (passengers can't bring scissors on the plane). Everyone else didn't dare to watch. Then, suddenly there was a beeping sound and we looked up when the pilot discovered the pasenger had cut the black wire instead. "啊!我忘了我色盲!" hahaha.

The buffet was really nice. I had my own vegetarian food, 跟其他天那些不适合人吃的食物差得太多,简直天差地别!the brownie and all was delicious too. And every team got a prize. -.- We got a prize for winnng the amazing race, completing 6 stations in 11 minutes plus(?). hehe. We got onion pringles (sigh, can't eat onion), marshmallow, and sparking water. xD

Thanks everyone who made it fun.

Saturday, December 13, 2008, 11:23 PM

I suddenly feel like posting some pictures of my pilgrimage to Taiwan 神威道场、天皇宫道务中心和佛山。

















That's all for now. Will post some more later. As an edit.

4:45 PM
Diyanah

Diyanah, this new friend I made on Thursday but didn't know her name, said my curvy/wavy hair looks nice. Does it really? I'm about to get it rebonded before the school year starts again. I met her when both of us grumbled Gen and Fangwei didn't tell us when they went down to buy buble tea. haha. She came in as a walk-in. And made many complications. She should have just said that she signed up but her name was not printed out. She's mixed blood. Her dad's an Arabian Malay while her mum's a Chinese Thai Malay. Her mum's mized blood too, I expect. She's real pretty. As in really pretty.

Oh. Something funny just happened. And Diyanah's not here with me. hehe. A couple just broke up, over heard when I brought this China lady to the Adult Chinese Collection. I wonder how in the world could a couple break up when they are in the library borrowing books? And the guy was shouting after the girl when she strode out of the library, how inconsiderate. I just went to him and told him to speak softly. HAHA. He must have done something to make the girl (They are both Indians.) angry. Pooh.

2:56 PM
currently at the library

I'm doing the e-notification roadshow at CCK library right now. And since no one is approaching me and no one for me to approach, I'm not going to waste my time in front of a computer. hehe. It's really boring, just met a new friend, Chia Ying. Yea. Another person called ChiaYing. She's J1 this year, yet doesn't look that old.

Yesterday, doing CIP in the library, the librarian amazingly could recognize me since I had been doing for a few consequent days. She gave me the important job - roving. Hey. She trusted me not to slack. Well, I didn't. I just rested for a few seconds each time I saw Mabel and Lareyna. haha. Sandra was there too. She and her friends made minimum noise, but still some.

The librarian told us about the perfect behaviour of little kids, 4 to 7 years old, in Australian Libraries. They are really quiet and when they browse through books, they place the neighbouring book horizontal on the shelf to make a marking and if they don't like the book, they use the marking to put it back and place the book beside upright again. How guai. Seriously, Asian people have more refined values and culture but our behaviour in the library is so much worse than the ang mohs. Where exactly have our values gone to? And when I nicely tel kids not to run as they may fall or to speak softly, the parents will sometimes glare at me and stuff. Some good parents will shut their kids up themselves, without us having to do it or to make sure their kids keep quiet after we have told them. These parents are nice.

Thursday, December 11, 2008, 8:46 PM
Library CIP - Sorting out

Library yesterday was fun. But there were no new books. Just old ones that were returned from other libraries. And there were like, tons of boxes, about 80 in total. And we had to sort the AYP (Adult Young People) English Fiction, AYP Chinese Fiction, AYP Malay Fiction, AYP Tamil Fiction (these were very rare), AYP English Non-Fiction, AYP Chinese Non-Fiction. And among the non-fiction, we had to sort between cookery, travel, business, computer, Health, Fitness, Pets, Recreation, Arts, etc. It was totally messy the first time, chaotic and all, but the second time it was better, we did it on the floor in an organised way. haha. And Richmond was there. He scanned the young people fiction books. And I had to scan the whole lot of Adult fiction books but before I was even half done, the librarian and the manager chased me out. How sad.



I met a girl of the same religion, but from 发一组 -- Genevieve。It's a bit like how Christianity is like, everyone believes in God, in Christ, but you have different groups of Christians, like Catholics. I'm from 宝光建德. She was born a Vegetarian too. How nice! I also made friends with a girl called Fangwei (nope, Not the one from Concord. She was from Naval Base.) and a girl with a very nice name of Vera. She actually shares the same opinions with me. Like how friendship is no longer so pure in Secondary school, Lots of competitiveness, Emotional bullying from brothers, and lots of stuff. Making friends is quite nice. Oh. And there were three girls who kept pointing at me directly in front of me and in my face and whispering when they heard I was called Fiona. -.-

Wednesday, December 10, 2008, 11:47 PM
怀乡思

神威道场,朝圣难忘,
依依不舍,离时直望。
皇母圣殿,慈悲之殿,
大德前人,神威他建。

弥勒家园,众生家园,

母圣乡域,我之乡域。
离乡背井,立愿口清,
真理天道,归乡正道。

问女何所思,问女何所念。

故乡女所思,家园女所念。

(你们可能会不了解我在写什么。不过不用紧。因为这是为了我的宗教写的,有着感恩的心写的。)

11:34 PM

Working in the library is fun. Salary: 1 hour of CIP per hour. x)

Main job aspects: 1) Guarding the gate, calling anyone who causes the gate to beep.
2) Teaching people to use to e-kiosk
3) Roving and telling kids like my bro to shutup.

That is like so fun. Wanqing said she wants to thrash me in studies next year. It hurts. Why am I a benchmark? She already thrashed me. 0.1 is a lot, my dear girl. A whole lot. Anyway, we saw this blingbling girl, and just now, Amelia told me her new year clothes are bling. haha.


Tuesday, December 09, 2008, 10:22 AM

I'm going to do my first CIP in the library today. Not really very excited but I'm still anticipating it. Wanqing already finished 30hours. Impressive. AND I HAVENT DONE ANY AT ALL. What a late start. And a 113 person apparently has completed 57 hours. -.-


Monday, December 08, 2008, 4:27 PM

I feel so insulted. Do I seriously look so horrible that you have to call me 贞子? Calling me 恐龙妹or something is one thing, but 贞子is another. 贞子听起来很像我的名字吗?我不是恐怖片的鬼耶!Just because you've just watched 终级一家 doesn't mean you can call me that!


Sunday, December 07, 2008, 7:39 PM

today was boring. Went to this 气功师傅 for a treatment - ‘欠打’- to help me grow taller, then ate one piece of roti prata with curry for breakfast, then went to youth group and played badminton and ate chip. x) And after signing up for 37h of library CIP at CCK Public Library, I'm starting to do my 2nd maths worksheet. sigh.


Saturday, December 06, 2008, 11:50 AM
霹雳MIT Ep 5

I totally want to watch the next Episode of 霹雳MIT ! Woots! The love story between GuiGui and Arron is unfolding. Can't wait. They're such a cute couple! And 陆克英 is like, present and a suspect for each mystery, so maybe he is related to the final answer: Who has been plotting these mysteries? Who has been creating and giving out the cds? And in the next episode, this new girl will appear, and try to ruin the relationship between GuiGui and Arron. Wonder how Arron will react. Go GuiLun! And I love the director. I'm his fan. 爱杀17 and 霹雳MIT are both great dramas.

These are screenshots for Ep 6 preview.


GuiGui! You must not give up on 007!

Thursday, December 04, 2008, 6:48 PM
Moulding my teeth.

Finally went to the dentist about braces. And they made the mould for my teeth. Firstly, the stuffed this weirdly shaped plastic object which twisted my mouth wide and it hurt... And he used this weird old looking camera to take a photo of it. The photograph came out immediately. Like the taiwan dramas kind. And then there was the moulding with metal things. The dentist tried to stuff a mould too big into my mouth and failed, proceeding to use a smaller one. And it was disgusting. Totally disgusting. The mould seemed to stick to my teeth and tongue. how crappy. One word, doc dentist: ew.

Then I went to the library to help my brother find his books on the oh-so-familiar booklist given by Mrs R. And guess who I met? TWIFFY! Tiffany and Isabella were looking for books in the young people's section. And I was discovered the the youth chinese collection was just beside it. No wonder I always see adults where I borrow my chinese books. haha. And I dragged Tiffany there. She was like, O.O And requested that I find her a book as thick as the back cover. So I made her read all the back covers. haha. What? It was a way for getting her to read. AND I used the same way to make my brother read english books.




Wednesday, December 03, 2008, 8:38 PM
Swimming and getting bonked.

Went swimming again. I swam on saturday, sunday and today. sheesh. Some crazy thing to make me grow taller. I must be such a shame to have as a daughter, this extremely short person.

Anyway, I went to cck swimming complex and swam 10 laps straight. Then the wave thing came and I went to the wave pool. And for a very weird reason, I got bonked on the forehead just a little bit above the middle of both my eyes. And adding to my original-coming-from-nowhere headache, the pain was excruciating. Really hurt. And I became very dizzy and fell. It was then water gushed into my ear. My right ear to be exact.

An hour later at home, the water still hasn't got out. crap. And I was using all means to get it out, jumping up and down, pressing it, using the Ear Doctor, everything! And my mum was scolding me “这么大了,还不会好好照顾自己。不会转过头或站起来啊!偏要耳朵进水是不是?” I mean, is it my fault that some weirdo boy threw a small object with all his strength at my forehead? Is it my fault that I happened to already having a headache and very dizzy? Is it my fault that I fell? Is it my fault that I forgot to tell the water not to enter my ear? Is it my fault that the water loves living in my ear so much and doesn't want to come out? Yeah. Apparently so. Obviously it is my fault. It's always Fiona's fault.

2:31 PM
Leaving Paradise

Just finished reading a book, Leaving Paradise by Simone Elkeles. It's sad. Very sad. never knew books could have this impact on me. And I'm crying like hell. It's such a good book.

It's about a boy called Caleb and a girl called Maggie. Caleb spent the last year in juvenile jail for knocking Maggie over in a hit-and-run accident and Maggie suffered in hospital and physical treatment. When Caleb is released, he discovers that everything in his life has changed, and in this change, he faces Maggie once more and they are involved in a romance. However, when everything goes wrong and Caleb finds out his mother has been eating pills to keep up a smile and his secret is discovered, he gives up trying to go back to his old life and leaves town, leaving Paradise. Forever.


Tuesday, December 02, 2008, 10:03 PM
还要去台湾朝圣。还要去!

啊!我现在超级超级不爽。因为当敬德(我的朋友,etc)去台湾朝圣的时候,会下雪!我当初为什么没有跟他们去呀?偏偏跟第一批地良德去。我还想再去一次啦!我要去神威!我要去佛山!我要去天皇宫!(Note:天皇宫is not a palace.)我还想再听多一点老前人他们的故事,听他们为我们的牺牲是多么的伟大、听前贤说的道理、听一听所有有关天道的东西。写这句话,都想哭了。感恩师尊、师母、各位大德前人、各位慈悲的点传师们为我们小小后学们的付出。真的好感动……

虽然跟自己数的人去会更好玩,但是不会认识新朋友。跟不认识的人一起去朝圣之旅而因此认识了更多人。我好像还没Po去台湾的经验吼?那就来分析认识的人吧!像Leow叔叔以及他太太,PeiShi姐姐,Jessie,MingKui。他们人都好好哦。
像Leow叔叔教了我一些拍照的技巧,真的超棒的。他很厉害好不好,拍得角度都好美哦!超有学问的,差点儿以为他是专业人士。可能是我这个无知的外行小妹的看法而已吧。
然后Peishi姐姐人非常友善呢!没事都会跟我说话。x) 握着我的肩膀,跟我分享知识。她现在学清哦!呵呵。应该可以算是吃素了吧…我立愿十六岁上万模范班,然后清口!希望自己能做得到…
Jessie和xinyi混得比较熟,我可能对她们来说是一个乖宝宝吧……但她也有看篮球火!(说到这里,Valerie也有看,然后她也认为Jerry超帅的!)而且跟我一样,听华文歌比较多哦!呵呵。
MingKui给我的第一个印象是一个蛮帅、冷冷酷酷的男生,也不太爱说话,整天摆着一副臭脸。但过后既然有看到他笑!哈哈。MSN了过后才发现他还蛮友善的,说话的风格很可爱。x) 没有得罪的意思哦!哈哈。可是我总觉得他一直任为我好烦…是不是每个人都这样认为啊…………?

最近一直听Enya新出的专辑,And Winter Came,但是怎么也找不到地方可以下载,也没钱买。只能在Imeem听。你们也可以去听呀!超好听的。

8:53 PM

here's a poem I wrote while waiting for Jie.

坐在地铁站的某个角落,
我看着每辆地铁每个人。
静静的、孤单的、没人注意的。
仿佛整个世界已忘了我。

看着那些赶时间的人群,
那两条黑漆漆的地铁道。
没有人的眼神停留看我,
像我这个人根本不存在。

一个人默默地被全世界遗忘……

9:59 AM
First time in Kbox. x)

went to Kbox with jie yesterday. It was really fun. But she was too busy to notice (Realised when she didn't believe I had fun). I mean, I found out that they charge per person, and you can get lost in it. And the rooms small. Oh. And I got The Coffin keychain. x) And although jie said she screwed her singing yesterday, it still sounded damn nice, whereas I kept offpitching. But it somehow got a tad bit better towards the end. And I haven't mentioned how fun it is to play with the remote controls!!! Hahaha. Although it was damn cold and they forgot to give me my coke. :( sniffles. But anyway, it was seriously cool, though they didn't have the latest songs. maybe the MVs haven't come out yet. haha. 3 hours seemed to pass very quickly...

I'm packing my room now. sheesh. Found lots of random stuff. That I thought I had lost. Like this decorative heart-shaped object, TingChih XueJie gave me at the start of the year, a towel cake Hong LaoShi gave me last year.

Monday, December 01, 2008, 8:42 AM

我的糊涂,谁来弥补?
我的顽固,谁来让步?
我的贪图,谁来满足?
我的快乐,谁来建筑?