depresión desesperación I have been hurt
again
Monday, April 13, 2009, 10:13 PM

I'm very sad. Because 嘉惠姐 sent me an email telling me that no, they can't publish it this wednesday. But she will let it be published ASAP. =(

Sunday, April 12, 2009, 3:30 AM
Reminiscing

Recently, JunHui and I have been telling Wanlin about our Primary school lives. And reflecting back, we have to admit it was rather dramatic. 不过人生如戏,戏如人生嘛!And both of us remembered that JunHui was rather mean to me in primary school. Perhaps it was the influence of Shammah, we never really got to know each other well despite being in the same class for many many many years. Until tuition, we started knowing each other better. But even then, we still had a gap between us that we could never overcome. Until Nanyang, when out of all 6A, only two of us were left. Maybe because of that, our relationship underwent changes and now, we're closer friends than before.

I met Gigi today. And we just said hello and goodbye.


Tuesday, April 07, 2009, 10:40 PM
LA tomorrow...

今天LiJia老师大发慈悲,让我们五点半回家。太阳是从西边升起了吗?他今天怎么这么好啊?但是谢天谢地,我终于睡了一下午觉了,虽然这个‘午觉’是在六点睡得。哈哈。

There's TKAM essay tmr. Crap. I'm feeling very scared. and I'm lost, don't know what to do now and all. I shall just go and write out Jem's growing up process, since that is the only one I don't have. Jem seems more major than Scout in themes...

I met Malcolm on the bus ride home today. I was busy revising TKAM that I didn't see him. When I randomly lifted my head to see where the bus was, I saw him smiling and waving at me, so I smiled and waved back, but being desperate, I went back to TKAM. Then further down the bus ride, he stood beside me, and I know I seemed to have changed. Last year, I wouldn't have studied on the bus, but instead, when I saw him, I would take initiative to speak to him. And this time, I didn't. And even if there wasn't LA, I doubt I would. Because he would always give me a one word reply. However, this time, he seemed as though he wanted to say something, but he didn't. As his friend was talking to him and I was wearing headphones. He spoke to me later. And when we alighted at the bus stop, we just smiled and said goodbye.

You know, all these, not because it was Malcolm I met, but meeting an old friend on the bus, but our attitudes towards each other had drastic changes made me realise that all of us had moved on. Tiffany coming over to me house, meeting Malcolm on the bus, all these experiences only made it even more clear that things could never be as before, and the past would distance itself from us even more with time.

All I can say is Goodbye.



3:15 PM
Prison of the Past

I once tried to hold on to the past,

I did everything to make it last.

Now I have finally learnt to let go,

Through the losses I must grow.



But the past just won't go away,

Making my soul slowly decay.

Hoping to see the future one day,

I am fading from black to grey.



Let me go, Set me free,
The light of hope I never see.

Save me now, Hear my plea,

I break free from this misery.



I now know scars will never heal,

The intense pain I will forever feel.

Alone these problems I must deal,

Trying to forget that they are real.



Why can't bygones leave me alone,

Robbing me of the happiness I own.

Escaping from all I've known,

From the mistakes I can't atone.



Let me go, Set me free,

The light of hope I never see.
Save me now, Hear my plea,
I break free from this misery.

Sunday, April 05, 2009, 10:42 AM
HSSRP Semiar 2009

Yesterday's Seminar was so interesting. The 3 keynote presentations, one about Bukit Timah Nature Reserve by RGS, one about housing segregation in Singapore by RI and the last one is an analysis of Dr Strangelove by NYGH, our councillor president! And by far, I think Dr Strangelove was best. Because althoug Callie said the first one was good, it didn't appeal to me much so I was sleeping through it. And the second one... it was a bit... ahem. The presenters couldn't even answer the questions properly! And they weren't justified in their findings. But Dr Strangelove had a big reaction in the audience and the seniors could answer every question just about fine. And in their ppt slides, I saw the standard NYGH format. haha.

For the concurrent sessions, it was ok. I went for a samurai thingum (Chusingura: Loyalty and Honour), something about Migration of Singaporeans, both by RGS and another one by NYGH, The Morality of Humanitarian Intervention. YinKuan Xuejie was presenting! OMG. And she was quite good. The concurrent session was not bad, just that I didn't see the point of the samurai research (who wants o kno abou their code of honour? What good would it do?) and although the Migration thing was interesting, the presenter was boring. The humanitarian intervention was quite good, but they couldn't answer the questions posed by yea, RGS girls properly.

And I got myself an interview with the twin badminton double players in 211! Woots. And I took the bus home with them, though they alighted earlier than me. haha. BTW, on the bus to school, I sat beside ISABELLA. She was goingto HCJC. OMG. And we were talking so much.

Then in the afternoon, Tiffany popped over to my house for som reason and boy did she grow tan. I seriously feel we're switching personalities. And it's sad that sometimes, it was rather awkward and we had nothing to talk about. But it was so nice seeing her again. And she came over bcause she was worried about me. I'm so touched. I do feel a lot better. And she gave me inspiration to write a essay called "Crossings".


12:27 AM

I'm frightened. Terrbly Frightened. 2006 World School Girls U11 Champion? I can't believe it. I'm sitting next to a World Champion. Amazing. But also terribly scary. 自卑感实在太严重了。

Wednesday, April 01, 2009, 4:59 PM
Braces. Hurt. A LOT.

Ouch. My [i]white[/i] braces hurt. And all through CCA I can't pronounce properly, which is horrible. I'm like, currently stting in the control room now, making use of the break to sit here and blog. sigh.

Dong Fan isn't her today, so the senior replacing her is so unfamiliar with the sounds cues. And the very pro actors are not articulating properly, which is a hassle. Plus, I made so many mistakes. Crap. Shall jiayou and work harder to gold with honours. sigh.

Li Lao Shi also got NJC people to come watch us and I didn't even know!!! One guy cried, while a few others were on the verge of tears. wow. I stood on the stage forthe first time in nearly a year. wow.

AND CCA ends at 6.30, then I have a music lesson at 7.30. 所谓民以食为天,但我怎么不能吃我最宝贵的晚餐呢?更何况,我已经饿了……

最后一个字:痛!