depresión desesperación I have been hurt
again
Wednesday, April 28, 2010, 9:08 PM
I'll stand by you always.

Fabian, I was intending to write a poem, dedicated to you. But thinking about what you've just told me rendered me useless in penning any good literature.
I don't know. Is it because our worlds are too far apart that I don't know how to comfort you? Everytime you tell me you're facing with a new difficulty, or when you are feeling down, I don't want to leave you alone. But what can I do? I thought I could do or say things to help you feel better, but I realised that what I've been doing isn't helping you that much.
Fabian, you have a special personality that makes you stand out from the rest. Some people might not see the good in you at first, but that is because that don't know you well enough. I didn't particularly have a good impression of you before, but now we've become friends, I really appreciate your sensitivity. Perhaps it is just because you consider each and every friend very important to you that you get hurt so easily. It isn't your fault; you put in your heart and sincerity to your friends, they just don't know how to treasure it. We're still young and can't deal with situations well. But you've got to overcome them. Or you will continue getting hurt.
You might not trust me that much, but you're the one person I feel comfortable enough to tell everything. It isn't about not seeing you in real life, interacting only virtually. Because if that's the case, I'd have many such friends. You're a special friend to me, and it's because of your sensitivity and your personality, whether you believe or not. Just to let you know, whatever happens, I'll be there for you.
When everybody else doesn't appreciate you, I'll stand by you, always. Trust me.

8:44 PM

During the student interview with Mrs Amy, she said that "You know, you're Fiona. To us, Fiona is mature. Fiona can solve all her problems herself."

I didn't know I give people such an impression. (People, this is where you comment.) Do I seem like I can solve all my problems myself? Reflecting on it, seems like for a long time, it's what I've been doing. Whatever happens, I don't like bringing problems home and telling them to my parents, unless it's very important decisions. But I don't like standing alone, makes me feel... like the centre of the universe, trying to comfort people, but with no one to comfort me.
Chinese paper... was hard. It wasn't anything I prepared for and I think I 偏题. Although the 私函about虐待动物, I did prepare for abit of it; the 17岁新加坡海外留学生 who got “影响全球华人”奖,I didn't hear about it, but what I wrote was abit similar to Ping Ghee, who actually read that article, so hopefully it wouldn't fail too badly.
Got back Geography paper. Ser Yeen and JunHui got 1st, with 21/25. I got... what I had initially expected, predicting my marks after doing the paper. It wasn't too bad, 19/25. Minused 4 marks for not doing part (ii) and (iii) for Q2, and 2 marks from 2nd page. Thus, I shall try even harder for my other assignments and pull my grades up again. The real worry is Ching Yan. She's been failing her Geography, and I don't know what I can do to help her. So I offered to help go through her assignments before she hands them in, but I can't guarantee the standard; I'm not teacher. And... XiaoJing, jiayou. You can do it, don't feel too sad. At least you tried your best, that's the most important point.

Monday, April 26, 2010, 9:00 PM
爆笑な事が多いですよ

Today... should be quite good. Like Junhui said, the day flew by, for some reason. Perhaps it was because sitting with XiaoJing ends up talking to her for the entire lesson, especially Chinese. I did listen to whatever 康老师 said though, have notes for proof. Just talked at some points in time. Talking in class really needs a certain amount of skill; you've got to listen (or at least pretend to), take notes (legible and useful ones) and even if the teacher sees you talking, get the impression you're 'discussing'.

今日、日本語の授業は本当に楽しいね!河西先生はとても可笑しい、爆笑な事が多いですよ。
例:練習の時、Hwachong学生は「中国語の先生を見た時、まるでおはしのようだと言います」と書いた。

翻译:今天,日文课真的很有趣。河西先生(Kawanishi Sensei)真的很好笑,爆笑事件也特别多。练习的时候,华中的男生写了“看见华文老师时,真的像一双筷子!”

本来睡意浓浓的我,瞬间清醒过来。河西先生和Nicole先生差很多;都是很好的老师。他和Lim先生差更多。我从来没有那么欣赏一个老师。不知怎么的,河西先生能够把一趟毫无乐趣可言的课变成让我心情超好、收获很多的课。不过,唯一不好的事……他英语有困难。

现在很低落,因为功课很多,不知道从何下手,也很烦。做不下去,可是还得做。谁能帮帮我啊!最可恨的是:国王请长假,为了准备演唱会暂时不主持娱百了!

Sunday, April 25, 2010, 8:51 AM
不是两条平行线

We won't draw parellel lines
Because we intersected once.

I thought we were perpendicular lines,
Once apart. Meet. Then going further away.

I thought best be two quadratic curves,
Intersecting not once but twice.

You said we were y=x.
The y-axis is different from the x-axis,
But what am I without you?
What are you without me?
We'd be different, but the same.
Never leaving each other.
Forever.
----------------------------------------------------
Tiffany,

I'm not afriad for the whole world to know,
Ever since I met you, I changed in ways I don't realize.
But we met, and separated,
At our life's crossroads.

Would there be another bend for us to meet again?
Only fate knows.
But now, there's technology.
No matter how far away you maybe,
We will forever be together, the same.
Just like y=x.

l

Friday, April 23, 2010, 9:34 PM
再见。

方块白鞋:

跨过了我们之间的距离,
对我而言真的好不容易。
当我不再对你抱有怀疑,
才发现是一厢情愿而已。

一起经历过的风风雨雨,
你是否跟我一样的珍惜?
原来我们没有深刻情谊,
而只有时间建立的友谊。

你还是会把我遗弃,
你仍然会将我忘记。
我常常看见你背影,
你已渐渐离我而去。

再见。 我后悔了。

我不想说再见,因为你对我来说……
是永远抹不掉的好朋友,不管我在你心中排在什么位置。
即使我在你的心中什么也不是,你仍然会是我很信任的人。

Thursday, April 22, 2010, 10:47 PM

Today, I went to be a student official for heats. But that isn't what I'm going to blog about.

After the heats, I went home, by bus. It was really crowded, but I managed to snag a seat. I was pouring outside though. As usual, I sat down, listening to my MP4 and fell asleep.

Somewhere halfway through the journey, there was this aunty who poked me and said, "小妹妹,不要睡觉,不然会跌倒。”

这也太扯了吧!哪有在巴士上不能睡觉的道理?况且我有位子坐啊!虽然我坐在外面的椅子,可能会跌倒啦,我也知道她是关心我……可是睡觉是我的权利!我会小心的,不过让我睡嘛!我真的真的很想睡觉啦。如果她知道我一天睡多少,应该就不会那么说了吧。


7:31 PM
朋友间的告白

X:

好啦,X就是指你。看来以后不要让你发现就应该换个代名词了!这几天一直跟你提我的部落格,就是希望你看到,但有不明说,就是害怕你看到。渐渐的,历史已经在重演。是哪一段我不清楚。


我不知道我是什么时候开始信任你的,也不知道是不是真的信任你,但我只知道,你现在对我来说很重要。我不明说,不是因为我不认同,而是因为我不敢。曾经有一个人走进我的圈圈里,但我最后才发现,一切只不过是我一厢情愿罢了。

对于友情,我很胆小。对我而言,大部分的人都是朋友。只不过在我心中,朋友与知己的差距非常远,远到连我自己都有一点惊讶。有些人特别容易走过这段距离,有些人走了很久也走不进去。你属于前者。你的一举一动都让我感觉你的真诚,你的关心。我也试着对你表示关心,不过我习惯了开玩笑,用大剌剌的性格表达自己,常常让别人以为我是开玩笑的,或是虚情假意。但我绝非虚假。

只想让你知道,我已经是试着相信你了,但我内心的创伤很多,根本没有人知道。你的保护色下面的你,我也不清楚。不过仍然希望我们能成为知己。

以下郭静&范玮琪&张韶涵的《仨人》送给你。不过这里,我的意思是《俩人》啦!



Monday, April 19, 2010, 4:40 PM

it's ridiculous. How can i finish learning Sorry Sorry by tomorrow? hopefully, I only need to learn the front part. Or I'd die.

Today's IH was really education. Hehe. Spot on, man. Hopefully I'll do better.


7:13 AM
IH Block Test 1 2010

okay. wish me luck. Let's hope I do better in this one.

Sunday, April 18, 2010, 4:45 PM
害怕与恐惧

我很害怕让X看见我部落格上的一切,害怕她发现我并不是天天嬉皮笑脸、开朗乐观,而是……这样子的。我害怕她会远离我。我后悔在心理开启一扇门,让X走进来。我后悔,因为我害怕,害怕X根本都不在乎。但这扇门已经由不得我关闭,我只能选择相信。

我很恐惧有一天,大家都因为某种原因,认为我不能够被信任。如果让历史重演一遍的话,我肯定不会像当初那么脆弱,那么容易被影响;那件事至今还在我心中留下阴影。如果历史重演,我会对每个人都失去信心,即使大家最后都在次相信我了。

有种不祥的预感。感觉暴风雨会乘我最脆弱的时候打击我,让我无法站起来。到时候,会有谁选择把我遗弃在雨箭那痛不欲生的摧残里?又会有谁愿意陪着我在雷电交加的狂雨中寻找重生?


2:31 PM

Where darkness reigns, she lives;
Where the sun shines, she suffers.
She wants to hide, to run away,
and avoid the gaze of the world.

From rainbow to greyscale,
She has faded with time.
Perhaps she's only a mirage,
A mere shadow of herself.



只有在黑漆漆夜里,她才能够相信自己拥有光芒。
只有在默默无人的角落里,她才有勇气面对自己。

Friday, April 16, 2010, 3:56 PM

A whole bunch of them left. To Fudan. I get to go in october/november. Woots.

But I'm worrying a lot about geography and IH. Serious. Didn't get to finish Geography. And going home took a long time. very long time...

I planned to blog a lot today, even what to say, and all. But waiting for the bus for an hour or so made me so exhausted, now I have forgotten all I wanted to express.

Happy Birthday, Wanlin. Loving pink is nice and all, but I've decided to put this little bit of colour into your life!

Happy B Day


Thursday, April 15, 2010, 6:26 PM
To 敬爱的朋友

方块白鞋:

我最害怕的事什么?就是我们之间竟然没有双方信任。我不知道为什么你会害怕我背叛你,因为对我来说,信任一个人就永远不会背叛他。比起任何人,我更信任你,也绝对不会出卖你,但是……

你竟然不信任我。

我最讨厌别人认为我是大嘴巴,不能保守秘密。尤其是你。

为什么?我到底做错什么了?或者,你对我的刻板印象永远不能够推翻了。

2:07 AM

A friend told the girl, "You're far more suitable for it! She doesn't deserve it at all."

The girl knew it was supposed to be encouraging and a compliment, yet all she could do was to fight back tears, and think, "Why didn't I do better then?"


Wednesday, April 14, 2010, 3:48 AM

I want to run away.
But I have nowhere to go.

Monday, April 05, 2010, 8:39 PM
不想长大

人的一生是一次性的,每个阶段有不同的主体,生老病死是生命的自然规律。但是,现在有些年纪大的人希望时间倒流,青春永驻;有些年纪小的青少年们却结伴大人,急于长大。

熟吗?这几句话应该满熟的,阅读练习八嘛!不过,我一直想不透,为什么那么多人这么想长大。曾经,我天天盼望某一个早晨,醒来就能够发现自己的翅膀长硬了,可以展翅高飞了。自由自在,没有人管你,没有约束,多好啊?可是,如今我已经改变主意了。若我能够永远躲在父母的翅膀下,那才是幸福,那才是我梦寐以求的永恒。不过这是不可能的,因为我知道我的责任就是读好书,等到哪天我能独立自强,我就必须尽孝道,轮到我照顾父母了。到时,即使我想要躲在爸妈的怀抱里,他们再也没有力气为我遮风挡雨了。

不知道那些人是吃饱没事做,还是生在福中不知福。八成,他们都受到父母无比的保护,却想要逃出那个温暖的避风港,跑到现实生活,认为自己可以照顾自己,却没有想到温室外的风风雨雨还不是他们能够应付的。奉劝你们一句:父母永远不会害你,你们应该珍惜能够被保护的日子。外面人心险恶,那一切并不是你们想象得了的。

我真的不想要长大。我想要做长不大的娃娃。