depresión desesperación I have been hurt
again
Wednesday, September 30, 2009, 8:35 PM

Oh. crap. dang. The more I tell myself not to think about it, it comes flooding all back. It's over girl, stop thinking about it and move on. Do your best.

今日のテスト本当に難しいですね!




Tuesday, September 29, 2009, 9:21 AM

那一切都已经告一段落了。接下来的以后再说。虽然我早就知道那是一场胜负已定的战场,就如大家所说的,心情很难过。我必须承认,他们的剧本和剧情都相当好,但是唯独演员差了。要悲伤不够悲伤,要伟大不够伟大,要霸道不够霸道,要贱不够贱。

不过虽然我有很多意见,我都不想提了。因为你们肯定都会认为我是因为不爽所以在鸡蛋里挑骨头,根本不会听。所以,我只能说,加油吧。




Saturday, September 19, 2009, 9:42 PM
你走你的独木桥,我走我的阳光道。

我从来么有这么认真考虑离开家。为什么他总是针对我?妈咪说他认为我不够关心他,那好嘛!我关心一下啊!但他不领情,不能怪我。他被同学欺负,被老师羞辱,我都替他打抱不平,差一点跟我尊敬的老师闹翻了。他样样得第一的时候,我在父母面前称赞他,希望他以前在学校闹事的错误能够被原谅,让爸爸不对他产生成见。爸爸要签Broadband合约,我叫他拿一架电脑给他,因为他应该开始需要了。

努力对他好,尽一个姐姐的责任。但是他生活越来越顺利,却渐渐对我越来越不尊敬。早上几分钟对爸爸讲话,都说他很乖,什么的。他是很聪明,但是他一起床,就一直找我碴,让我不得安宁。早知道就不对你好了,你被欺负,关我什么事?你考第一名,关我什么事?真的很怀念我们以前井水不犯河水的时候,因为虽然交集少之又少,但起码不会吵架。如今,我们还是没有吵架,而只是我单方面受委屈,而你因为折磨我而high翻天。

以后,我不想再理会你故意要伤害我的话了。你走你的独木桥,我走我的阳光道。请你不要跑到我的阳光道。这是我第一次那么希望我是一个独生女。

我有很多理由让我自己活下去,但是我有一个更大的理由不想继续存在了。


Thursday, September 17, 2009, 11:16 PM
Drama rehearsals

I hope this is going to be the last time we rehearse drama before grading. After that, oh well. We've got 33.3333% chance to be chosen. Anyway, we spent quite alot of time. There were people missing and going to the library and not returning, and math remedial. But anyway, we carried tables, chairs and props to the rooftop, the restricted area behind the home econs rooms, and we practiced there. It was really windy to the extent of being cold.

I wore the same as on Sunday, pink tight shirt with a black hoodie. Rachel's shirt was very nice, and she has a nice figure to go along. Unlike me, short and fat, like a teapot. Anyway, Nat changed in the corner, where there was nobody. And she looked damn shuai. As in the feminine kind of shuai. Junhui... HAHAHAHAHA. She looked really cool, just like a police officer. But Brenda looked like a security guard. They're going to wear suits though.

I think we're quite okay with the cues and all already and much thanks to the people who will help us play music and all. Thanks.

I'm looking forward to it. IT'S GOING TO BE SO COOL. haha.

welcolming DeeJay Callie.


Saturday, September 12, 2009, 5:09 PM

Terribly disappointed in myself. 9 days of holiday, this is the eigth day. What have I done? Nothing.

Useless.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009, 4:57 PM

I've been such an idiot. So dumb that even I laugh at myself.

Monday, September 07, 2009, 2:38 PM

钱。果然钱比什么都重要。

钱,可以让你得到你所渴望的一切,让你拥有摆在眼前的梦想。没有钱,即使你多么有能力,那又怎么样?没有了钱,再多的机会也只不过是像玻璃窗后的饰品,就在眼前,离我那么近,几乎已伸手就抓得到,却始终那么遥远,那么难以得到。

钱,可以买一个未来,一个我想要的未来。不管我多有信心可以克服所有所有的挫折,始终没有办法去尝试,没有办法去争取。因为这些机会需要钱,而我没有钱。再多的战场,不管用什么破铜烂铁,我都相信我能够打赢。不过大家对我都没有信心,不认为我能够百战百胜,因为我连一个破罐子都没有。

钱,真的很重要。即使得到所谓钱买不到的“情”,没有钱,这些“情”也会渐渐消失殆尽,把你带到一个黑暗无望的世界里。有了钱,世界上的一切都属于你了。

可惜,我不只没有钱。


Saturday, September 05, 2009, 8:48 PM
Regret

When life becomes totally wrong,
It's exactly like what's in a sad song.
All this while the tears stain my face,
In my head guilt and regret race.
Was I wrong?

When I feel betrayed and intruded,
They still don't get it,
They don't understand.
What can I do to make it happen,
To make everything alright again.

How I wish for it to be fine,
For them to know my needs.
But all they did just hurt me,
The deeds, the words, the screams.

I wrote these words last year for a very important friend. But just like how she felt betrayed and disappointed at that time, I hurt her now. I don’t remember any reason why I did it, but I only remember that after it happened, the first thought in my mind was that I would definitely regret it. I can’t blame anyone, I can only blame myself. Our friendship kept fluctuating, and I really don’t know if we’re still friends. I won’t apologise anymore, because it won’t work. But if you’re reading this right now, I just want you to know that I really regret doing it, and I know you will probably ignore me for life, but to me, you will forever be my friend.

Friday, September 04, 2009, 11:16 PM

那一秒,我已经放弃了。不管多么久的时间,你应该都不会看到我的真心。虽然我们永远只能做朋友,但是你会是我心中很重要的朋友。

我以为你给了我一线希望,但是伸出手却只是冰冷铁窗,一扇挡在我们之间的铁窗。也许这就是为什么不管我对你多好,对你付出多少,你也不会回应我的感情。我不相信你从来都不曾发觉我对你的心意,但是你是否有认真对待过呢?应该没有吧。

我已经不想再像一个便利贴,永远只是当你找不到PDA记事情时,才拿出来用,而且用完就丢,从来不会留恋,也不会认为它重要。但是如果这个便利贴已经决定不要再做备胎,那么你会发现她已经不见了吗?


Thursday, September 03, 2009, 5:50 AM

不知道现在的心情应该怎么样。不知道为什么她反应那么大。但是我有能怎么样呢?她都说不要道歉了。反正本来就是我的错,也不能怪他。如果我是她,我反应一定会很激烈的。所以她应该已经算是蛮仁慈了吧……

我真是一个自找麻烦的大白痴。