depresión desesperación I have been hurt
again
Monday, May 31, 2010, 1:23 AM
搞不清

就快搞不清楚自己在想什么了。为什么总是这样,看不清楚事实,拼了命想要活在自己创造的世界里面?我这样过活,到底是怎么样保持生命的规律?成绩册拿回来了。成绩都很好,一些超乎了想象,另一些差了一点,却好算得上蛮好的。很满意,很高兴,但对于目前的我来说,这些A1就是我生命的全部吗?如果是,那我为了数字而活着,会不会太过于悲哀?如果不是,那么我是为什么活着?

我知道,支撑我走出以往那片黑暗的是我家人,我宗教,梦想,和国王。但是他们能够陪着我走下去吗?没有他们任何一个人,我肯定会再次发疯。但愿他们能够永远陪着我。因为他们都很重要,一个比一个重要。

你现在明白吧?国王对我来说,并不只是象征一个偶像,而在我生命里象征一个支柱。一个椅子有四只脚,缺了其中一个,椅子就站不稳了,随时都能够倒塌。国王是我不能磨灭的幻觉。就算我想要去除他也不可能了,因为他已经在我心中扎下根深蒂固的根。


Sunday, May 30, 2010, 12:48 AM

梦想,到底是什么东西?我知道,没有梦想,我会死去。不能达到梦想,我会痛不欲生。但是为什么我的梦想现在天天缠着我,像鬼魅一样环绕着我,折磨我。这,到底是梦想的真面目吗?

欲望,到底是什么东西?我以为,欲望难免,大家都有。不过欲望可以克制,不让它控制我的为人。可是为什么我的愿望似乎逐渐变成了欲望,成为无比的压迫,压得我喘不过气,压得我已将近快窒息了?

我要的,到底是什么?我的未来,究竟该会步入哪一条路?我讨厌挫折,我讨厌猜测。但偏偏生命就是一场赌局,需要猜测。猜对了,一切就到你手中。猜错了,全盘皆空。

Monday, May 17, 2010, 8:10 PM
A Happy Journey Starts Like That! - Phua Chu Kang (by LTA Singapore)


Tuesday, May 11, 2010, 10:40 PM
我家真的丑到不行!


一片夏夜一点霞,十分鸡粪五分马。
沟旁一定关窗睡,夜夜臭味熏满家。

改编自《荷花》清 曹寅

真的。第一次那么害怕走出房门。是有什么尸体腐烂吗?!

5:48 PM
No lowering of weightage

The Straits Times Interactive link: No lowering of weightage

I did mention that the government would never lower the weightage of Mothertongue, didn't I? I told a few people 可是不可以讲太多,不然会破政府的梗。Of course, they wouldn't lower the weighage of mothertongue when they've been promoting it so much. If everyone supported the notion, then the next step the government would take would be some 华语Cool activity. If everyone didn't like it, oh how happy they would be. And while the hoo-ha was going on, everyone would be influenced to think, "oh yeah, mother tongue is really very important! How could they lower its weightage?" Even if they didn't think like that at first, the passion for MT would spread. That time, the government can say, "oh, we wouldn't be lowering it after all, since we never really confirmed and everyone doesn't like it. Sorry."

这是政府炒新闻的手段,为了让国人更爱我们的母语。太厉害了吧!我说的没错吧?

Thursday, May 06, 2010, 11:06 PM
生病的感觉真的很差

今天就是如此痛苦。真的很想逃避自己的,但非常感谢那些挺我、关心我的同学。尤其是Junhui, Xiaojing, Yihao, Wanlin. 真的谢谢你们让我在最想放弃的时候,重新获得力量。

再次被迫睡觉的感觉很痛苦。人生真的很矛盾。有时候觉得睡觉是上天赐给我最好的礼物,有时候却是送我入地狱的法门。

最近我们大家都不太好,不管是压力、考试、成绩、作业、CCA,什么都是我们的烦恼。
送大家一句话:当人生变得有一点像游戏时,日子就不会太难熬。
希望大家开心一点,考完试、作业较少的时候,一起去KTV吧!

Tuesday, May 04, 2010, 8:42 PM
抵死向前

我凌晨的时候,崩溃了。我一直认为没有把化学复习完,很害怕看到问题的时候都答不出来。早上,我真的崩溃了,很害怕时间的每一分钟。妈咪又很讨厌我这样,开始发脾气骂我。但偏偏她越是骂我,我越失去理智。

你们一定没看过,除了我家人。这样的我,真的很可怕。连我也不敢面对。我不是发彪、脾气不好。我真的是想要逃避未来,逃避自己,逃避一切,甚至寻死。但我毕竟还是要面对考试的。一边流泪,一边复习。但在准备数学的我想到了一句名言:
我没有道理要逃避。失败,大不了回到原点。要退,也要努力过在退。要死,也要战过再死。
我真的很认同这句话。因为生命只有一次,我不想拿这一次来做实验,来后悔。生命没有回头,也不能回头。我决定了,抵死向前,不回头了。

Sunday, May 02, 2010, 10:08 PM
Don't feel sad.


Friends are like handphones. You rely on them, you're close to them, you can't live without them. But when a new or more suitable handphone appears, you will switch to that one the moment you get the opportunity. It's the way friendship is.

Sometimes, when the new one spoils, they might go back to the old one. Sometimes, the new one never spoils and they move on to another newer one. They might never come back. Don't waste your time waiting and source for another phone. If she forgets about you, it's her loss.

I hope you don't go through what I went through, because I know it will hurt you more. And even when you do go through those events (you can read my blog from Sec 1 till now), I hope I can protect you from those injuries. But I have no ability to; I'm not by your side. That's my only regret.

And this English song is for you:



To me, you'll forever be the perfect friend. The friend embedded in my heart forever. This song, Me without You by Ashley Tisdale, is how I feel about you. There's no Fiona without Tiffany. So I hope, when you've lost all your handphones, or you can't decide which one is more suitable, remember, there will always be a landline here waiting for you.

11:07 AM

我很累。真的很累。不知道我怎么了,就是很累。


Saturday, May 01, 2010, 11:20 PM
厉害的阿怪

今天念书真的很不顺利。浪费至少11个小时,太奢侈了吧!我真的很没有时间,读课本、笔记都读不进去。到底怎么了?谁能救救我啊…我真的很讨厌这些科学数学,因为我偏向人文科系啦!超痛苦。而且每人陪我说话。呜呜呜呜。担心会影响她们复习功课之类的,不然就是跟她们没话聊。怎么会这样?

而且外面的战争一直没有停止。我弟不知道为什么整天找我碴,跟妈咪杠上。拜托,投诉爸妈偏心也该反省反省一下。整天让父母生气的确让他们注意到你,但是即使他们的焦点整天在你身上,根本不管我,他们还是不停地骂你,念你。不是我的错。妈咪都被你搞疯了啦。用损我当激将法?太扯了吧。听到他小小的笑声,我真的觉得你太…容易哄了。没关系,只要你们不要吵到我就行了。
态度、成绩不如我是事实。你以为我能够考到这种成绩是整天睡觉、看电视换来的啊?白痴。别一直烦我啦!

最近常看《大学生了没》,觉得阿怪好酷。又帅,却很放得开,不怕丑。而且很会作曲作词。太厉害啦!谁有空的话,可以到他的部落格上观赏哦。